The Most Powerful Pawn (also Stupidest)
by Shurpuff
Summary: A question drives a curious and altogether dim angel to become human. Now he is Hyoudou Issei, and he will seek that which (most) humans know: utterly unaware that in doing so he changes the fate of all Creation. Features a helpful dragon, a reasonably dense angel and a mountain of nubile, knowledge-hiding flesh-also known as a harem. [Fair warning: an absurdly OP Issei]
1. Chapter 1

A long time ago, Man did some stupid crap, and so an appropriately chastizing angel had to guard the hypothetical land of Eden for quite a bit.

Said angel stood at the gates with the sword setting set to "flaming" for what seemed like an eternity. The human concept of boredom or restlessness did not occur to him; he was one of the Highest's most powerful servants, and was created well, even if not exactly in His image.

One day, a flock of angels came up to Eden from Earth. One spotted the lone guardian. They began whispering amongst themselves. Presently, Lucifer, Michael and a thoroughly besotted Azazel flew up to address the angel.

"Were you here the whole time?" asked Lucifer.

"You missed an interesting journey Down there," said Michael.

" _Slender like a dream..."_ gurgled Azazel.

The angel appeared to puff up like a dove. "I have been quite busy. What, pray tell, have you all been up to?" He glanced with dove-like curiosity at Azazel.

"Sex!" cried Azazel. "Loads'n'loads!"

The angel quirked its head.

"A most heavenly past-time," Michael said, blushing. "Now I can truly understand His will in creating thus..."

The angel looked to Lucifer. "We invited everybody," said the handsome angel. "All the hosts, the powers, the principalities, even that spoilsport Metatron. They all had a good time."

"I thought you'd invited everyone, Lucifer," said Michael, pondering. "But you'd keenly forgotten this faithful one."

"All ish ash God willsh..."

"My pardons, you three, but what is this 'sex'?" asked the angel.

The three looked at him in silence. "It is unfathomable," said Michael.

"Like the Lord?"

"Not... exactly."

"Quite exactly!" Lucifer said, laughing. "Who would have known that such an experience comes from such anatomical necessities! It is the perfect sublimation of the Lord's will on the world below. Heck, some angels are practically giving themselves human genitalia to continue the experiments up here."

"Nothing can be more perfect than the Lord."

"Oh, surely," said Michael. "After all, the... 'sex' act lends itself to certain imperfect situations."

"Like sticking it up an animal's behind," said Lucifer, looking at Michael.

"That was clearly an accident!" squawked an offended Micheal. "Never again shall such an abomination come to pass!"

"Seriously though, I was probably the most drunk back there, but even I could tell pig ass from human."

The angel finally looked like it was interested. "Can you teach me the sex, then?"

"Sure! Let me just head on home, wash up... I'll be back here quick, so be ready." Lucifer flew off. Azazel followed. Michael also left, after doing a routine inspection of the angel's charge.

The angel was left yet again in silence. It thought on the sex, and on the thought of having been left behind, even by that Metatron. Miracle of miracles to get that one off his desk in the High Reaches.

Unfortunately, all thoughts of the "sex" evaporated when the angel heard the Summons. It flew up, irresistibly, way Up to the Highest One's presence.

"Some of your brethren have committed abominations below," the Presence said in booming, James Earl Jones (though the angel wouldn't get the comparison until much much later) voice. "Enforce my Will: that these creatures never be allowed to exist on the beautiful earth."

"Is this related to the 'sex'?" the angel asked.

"Go."

So the angel went down, thoroughly missing Lucifer's appointment, and rained fire and brimstone upon the children of angels. He was pretty good at it; he was made well. Only in the end did he stop and think to ask anyone down here about the "sex", but no one could answer.

When he returned to Heaven, he found a lot of things had changed. There'd been some sort of coup, for some reason, and fully a third of the host had left Heaven for greener pastures.

But he didn't forget he still had his appointment. After making inquiries, he approached Lucifer while he was debating something with Michael at the Lower Reaches of Heaven. It sounded serious, but he _had_ to know.

"I'm here, Lucifer. Let's go down."

"Don't!" cried Gabriel, an angel, who held him back. "Lucifer and his folk are anathema now."

"Is this because of the 'sex'?"

"What? No!" And she proceeded to explain the matter of Lucifer to him.

Then, some stuff happened and Lucifer and the group of angels behind him all fell from Heaven. He wrenched himself free from Gabriel's grasp and stood at the precipice, looking down into the depths.

He turned to Michael. "Can _you_ teach me the sex?" After a long pause, the other angel disappeared in a flutter of feathers.

The ex-guard of Eden had other duties to fulfill. He was proud to say he did these well. The Flood, Sodom, Gomorrah, Egypt, Judaea—he was faithful. And busy.

Once, he approached a Great Personage in Babylon.

"Sure, I'll teach you the sex," said the lady. She looked vaguely Greek. "Before that, could you scrawl this message on that wall over there?" She pointed to a space before a reclining king and his retainers.

"Then will I know the sex?"

"Sure." He went and scrawled.

The angel was punished for directly intervening in history without God's consent, though He was able to exert damage control by having a mortal interpret the Greek goddess' insult about the Babylonian pantheon's virility into something appropriate.

The angel was made to write lines, like a scribe, alongside the insufferable Metatron. He was made to do this for a few centuries, give or take.

While there, the question kept eating at him, and his angelly mind was filled with quite-unangel-like imaginations about what sex meant.

Once, he asked: "Tell me about the sex," to which Metatron said, "No."

Eventually his sentence was done, and he was let out on Earth to administer yet another round of killings. Before that, though, he begged a leave of absence from the Boss.

"I want a leave of absence," he told the Presence.

"Alright," He replied.

Elated, he pursued his agenda with zeal. Though because he'd forgotten his flaming sword, he resorted to using other means to kill off humanity. All in all, the Black Death did as well as he'd hoped, even if there was none of the usual fire.

Speaking of fires, he was approached by certain dragons during his ministry.

"They tell us you sit close to your boss," said one.

"Not anymore. They reassigned me," he replied.

"Could you, maybe, probably tell Him to keep his angels in check time and again? You folks have been fighting amongst yourselves a lot and it's getting pretty bad for business. Not," the dragon hastened to add, seeing the blank look on his face (misconstruing it as rage) "—that your present occupation isn't right and proper. Oh no. We agree that humans need to be reined in to somewhat counter their rabbit-like tendencies to reproduce... All the sex they get all up to—"

"Excuse me," he interrupted. "But do the humans know much of this sex?"

"Oh, yes quite a lot, in fact. More than we dragons, or any of the gods and goddesses around. They'll say the best lays are with the puny humans."

"There he goes, that boob-obsessed drake!" shouted a dragon from behind.

"Shut up!"

Such was the idea newly stuck in his brain. He knew he could find his answer in humans. He had a lot of time to think about the problem while he was sent to guard Eden again—for failing to kill _all_ humans as commanded.

Eventually, something broke. All the years of pushing his holy featherbrain towards solving the concept propagated by Messrs. Michael, Lucifer and Azazel all those millenia ago had now alighted upon the most appropriate solution of all.

Had there been a lightbulb atop his head, it would have lit up; instead the halo on top of his head brightened ever so slightly.

"I have to be a human, for just a while," he decided. He didn't know how to proceed. But he could use his vacation time to find out how.

With his sentence done, he asked of his Boss the leave he was promised.

"Sure, go ahead," said the Presence. It appeared distracted.

He went around Heaven, but found it empty. He hoped to find an angel who knew how to become human.

He went down to Hell, but that was empty too.

He went on down to Earth, searching for a way to become a human, for just a while.

He came across the dragon who'd spoken to him awhile back. "I want to be a human," he announced.

"I'm kind of busy here," grunted the dragon. The angel didn't notice, but the dragon seemed gravely wounded.

"Only for a while."

"That sounds interesting."

"It is so I can learn of the sex."

"Seriously, I'm bleeding out here and here you are talking about s-s-sex."

"Would you happen to know how?"

"To have sex? Nope."

"That's too bad. Also, I meant about becoming a human."

"Sure, all you need are- wait aren't you an angel?"

"I don't know how."

"Are you shitting me?"

"I do not have the requisite parts. I do not eat, hence I do not defecate."

"Alright, shut up for a bit. Let me think."

The angel waited.

"Alright," said the dragon. "I'll help. And you'll help."

Some decades later (though it wasn't apparent to the angel), Issei Hyoudou was born. While on the outside he was quite a normal child, inside the angel and the dragon waited. The latter rested, while the former guided the flesh-body's functions.

"Alright, you're going to have to follow my lead." said the dragon. "We might have to wait a while."

"How long?"

"Sixteen, maybe eighteen years."

"Oh, not that long then."

"Right."

"And by then I'll have learned the sex?"

"By then you'll have all the sex you want. But only on that time."

"That sounds fair."

"I'm Ddraig, by the way."

"My name is only the Lord's. But you can call me Raziel."

"Nope! Sorry, wrong. You're Issei now."

"Oh, of course. Yes, I'm Issei. For a while."

"Let me sleep a bit, then I'll walk you through this tricky phase to humanhood. I think they call it the baby phase. Be warned, it can get tedious."

"Try sitting next to Metatron for a long while. _That's_ tedious."

* * *

 **AN:**

 **Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin).**

 **May or may not be continued.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Something akin to worry began to eat at him. It had been almost five human years since Ddraig had stopped talking to him, and Issei was getting antsy. He felt like he'd gotten pretty close to the time when he could finally learn all about the sex.

For sure, he had an _idea_. He had acquaintanced himself, over the years, with certain material that seemed to illuminate him on what the sex meant. But there were a lot of sources to draw from, most of which directly contradicted each other.

For example, he once came up to his human mother, showed him one of those human-made "comic books" and asked her if it was true that good mothers taught their sons all about the sex.

It took three days to heal off the beating, and he spent six months in so-called "psychiatric care". The only conclusion he got from it was that the comic was clearly wrong, as were all sources saying the same thing.

Then he asked his middle school teacher if she were willing to teach him the sex, as his other source stated. After laughing him off, the teacher called his mother and history repeated itself.

By process of elimination he managed to strike off the clearly false sources, narrowing it down to such claims as "first love", "monster-girl sex", "tentacle loving", "giantess erotica", "reverse netorare" and a few others. He'd wanted to talk to Ddraig about the second and third, but that had been the time the dragon fell asleep for the longest time.

High school came around. Rumors of his previous behavior had preceded him, so he was now known as something called a "pervert", something he didn't quite understand, as he was surely not doing anything human society would frown upon.

He had good sources now though. There were two self-proclaimed "Ero-kings" here in Kuoh Academy, who were wellsprings of information about the sex, as well as being innately curious about the sex, like him. Kindred spirits, as the human saying went, though quite unfortunately human.

His association led him to the human exercise of "research". Day by day he brought home material from the two, and either played them on the computer device or watched them on his TV. They once again proved the contradictory nature of the sex, and Issei was determined more than ever to learn something which his fellow angels had long ago known.

"Here you go sir, charms to aid you in your wishes!" One day, a big-breasted female handed him and other passing students pieces of paper. The writing on the paper caught his eye. It was a welcome mat signed by the language of Heaven, though the handwriting left a lot to be desired. He wasn't as good as that ass Metatron, but he thought himself good enough to spot amateur work.

He went back to the lady. "My pardons."

"Yes?" The female had the annoying lilting quality he'd seen plenty of times in porn videos. Matsuda called it the "slutty onee-sama" voice.

"You need to work more on your handwriting."

The woman blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Issei smiled. It was like talking to a human baby. "Your writing is dreadfully illegible. I can barely read the 'W' in 'welcome'. Though, I apologize," he said, spotting the confused look on the girl's face. "I certainly didn't mean to imply you wrote it. Just tell whichever angel wrote this to improve a bit. Perhaps go and see Metatron for some tips."

He walked off, feeling a bit refreshed. Then the thought occured to him. Was there an angel here in Kuoh too? Perhaps they could assist him! Did the human know it? He turned back, only to find the girl wasn't there.

Something about the experience started the creaking cogs in his mind. If he'd been just another winged observer, he'd have declared, in addition, that "the cogs of fate had started", but he was not given to the so-called middle-school disease, like most of his classmates.

Because just then, quite coincidentally, after he'd already spent something like four months here in high school, (and two, three days after meeting the slutty onee-sama) he met his first angel.

It should not have taken him that long to find her. But being one of the few angels closest to God does not mean he could have immediately spotted her from a mile away. Especially since his infinity/infinity vision had been reduced to the pathetic human 20/20.

Issei saw his chance. This was the first angel he'd seen in a good long while. So thinking, he went inside her classroom.

"Excuse me," he said, approaching the black-haired girl. "Are you an angel?"

He wasn't aware that he'd spoken loudly, nor did he hear the sudden shouts, catcalls, whoops and jeers that erupted around them.

"A confession of love...!"

"A brave kid...!"

"Hey, isn't that the pervert?"

"Get the teacher! The pervert's harassing Amano-san!"

The angel seemed quite perplexed. Her face had gone that peculiar red he associated with deep embarrassment (and fireballs he'd send raining down from heaven). "Excuse me?"

"You are excused, angel." He didn't remember this one's face, so it must have been a lower-ranked angel. He leaned closer, in what he thought would be a serious, authoritarian pose. "Now, tell me about the sex."

The next thing Issei knew, wolves and harpies howled around him, and he was being dragged out through the halls by the lesser angel. Privately, he wondered why the latter didn't just "wing it" back to heaven with him if privacy was needed.

They made it to a secluded area of the school. He could still hear the jeers from somewhere far. The angel was now frowning, looking him up and down in a way that would have offended him if he wasn't aware of their differences in rank.

"So. You know then, Hyoudou Issei."

"No, I don't," he said patiently. He was aware that certain of the lower angels, lesser in priority in the Making, was not as gifted in the brains department. So he went along. "I _don't_ know about the sex—"

"It makes this a heck of a lot easier then," the angel said. She summoned the light spear of Heaven, then watched in amazement as she stuck it in his chest. His punctured heart immediately stopped beating, and his body collapsed from the sudden shock.

"...What?" was all he could muster before the angel flitted off—on legs still—leaving him in a disgusting pool of his own blood. He frowned, removed the spear and went to sit against the nearest wall.

He felt more than a bit annoyed, now. He'd been told by Ddraig that regeneration would be a bitch, even for an angel-powered flesh-body, and only now was he discovering why. It hurt, hurt, hurt.

Never, in all his years, immeasurable as they were in Creation, had he been injured. And never had Issei, even as an angel, felt this sort of pain. It distressed him greatly. His heart would be taking quite a long time to heal.

He thought to cleaning up the mess. It wouldn't do to leave this sort of mess around and have to be subject to yet another uncomfortable round of questioning from "doctors". He felt for his handkerchief, used it to wipe the blood. When that wasn't enough, he felt for his paper bills. Then he discovered the welcome mat drawing and used that to wipe too.

There was a boom from somewhere. He heard rushing footsteps. He felt the presence of several humans. He glanced up, saw the slutty onee-sama together with a girl with long hair the red of a volcano erupting gloriously at his command (or the blood he was desperately cleaning up)

The two stared at him in dead silence.

"...What." said the red-haired girl.

"You know, that's what I said just now."

The girl turned to the slutty onee-sama. "Is this the one you spoke to me about?" The latter blinked, giving him a second look.

"Oh yes, it looks like it." A long silence.

"Now that you've seen, could you two render me some assistance, please?"

They looked at him again. "What?"

He gestured to the blood. "Well, it's just that, I really need to get all this cleaned up. And since you're here I could seriously use the help."

The redhead opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. It looked like she was struggling to form words. Issei was worried that the sudden lack of eloquence would lead to a lack of wit. Screaming humans was not something he needed right now.

The girl cleared her throat. She pointed to him. "So... you... just want help with the mess?" she said slowly.

"Yes," he said just as slow.

"And... you don't need... help with... the admittedly large—and still-bleeding—hole in your... in your chest?"

"Oh, this? That's not a problem."

"It looks like your heart's messed up badly," observed the slutty onee-sama in a decidedly un-slutty onee-sama voice.

"Oh, it'll come back on its own," he said. The two looked at each other again. The redhead cleared her throat, for the second time.

"Well, you do look fine, so, um..." she paused. "But just to clarify, you're not feeling... I don't know... faint?"

He raised his brow. "No."

"Life flashing before your eyes?"

"Nope, just a mess of blood."

"So you're definitely not, y'know... dying?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't look like it."

The girl exhaled. "Okay," she said. "We can definitely help you with this, Mr..."

"Hyoudou Issei."

"Right. I'm Rias Gremory. We're part of the—" she blinked, as if she'd forgotten the words. "The um..."

"The problem-solving club," the non-slutty onee-sama offered.

"Right, thank you Akeno. We solve ordinary problems for students like you. Ordinarily, we'd need some sort of fee, but because of the circumstances..."

"I'll pay you," he said. "I've got an allowance." He pointed to the blood. "But only later."

She made some gestures with her fingers. "Yes, of course." She glanced, somewhat helplessly, at the one named Akeno. She mouthed something silent. "We—well we can talk about the um, the _payment_ later."

"Good."

With some sort of magic, the girl got rid of the blood in two seconds.

"Impressive," he said politely, glancing at the sparkling clean floor. "You do good work. Quick work."

When the girl didn't respond, he looked at her. The two were still staring at his heart-wound. He only now realized it was making such a mess on his uniform.

"Are you absolutely sure...?"

He glanced down. "Yep. Don't worry about it."

"Are you a zombie?" Akeno asked.

"I don't think so," said Issei. "What's a zombie?"

"Akeno, never mind. Let's just get him to the clubroom before someone sees."

"Where are we going?"

"The clubroom. Our clubroom. Of the good worker's club."

Akeno cleared her throat. "Problem-solving."

"Right you are."

Issei thought it prudent, and also appropriate. One didn't discuss the bill outside a room. It would have been "awkward". "Very well, I am at your service, Rias-san. Lead the way," he said.

A thought occured to him, remembering Akeno's welcome mat.

"Do you know some angels?" he addressed the decidedly non-slutty onee-sama. "Because I want to ask about the sex."

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin)**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

Memory is a tricky thing for an angel. A function integral to humans and other sentients has limited use to the tools of the Most High, so angels generally had ant-like memories. When in doubt, they had the divine scrolls of eternity to guide them.

The higher angels were given a little bit more. Issei, for example, could remember the Sex thing happening while he was guarding Eden, but he couldn't quite remember what happened before that. His other jobs as angel of death slash Scourge of Humanity also blurred together such that he could only remember the places and what he did there. Ask him how many humans were there or who he talked to on the way down from Heaven and he'd grin nervously and change the subject.

He was ruminating this way because something in Rias Gremory's clubroom was trying to jog his memory. Or rather, it did when he felt something like water being dumped on him, when he didn't even see, nor less feel, said water—right as he entered the room.

He cocked his head like a confused pidgeon. It was strange. The sensation had definitely been there.

In the meantime, Rias Gremory was talking in low voices to the other people in the clubroom.

Issei Hyoudou, part-time human, did not have enhanced hearing anymore. Ddraig had advised against it in the body creation process. Had he still had it, he'd have heard the following conversation.

"... already triggered every trap! So what the heck is going on? Why is that guy still standing?"

"Were you slacking, big breast?"

"How rude, Koneko-chan~~ I gave it my best lightning shot~~ Particularly since he was very uncouth to proposition a young lady~~ He should have been minced meat by now."

"Perhaps a stronger attack...?"

"No, Yuuto. That guy's clearly something else. If he can shrug off Akeno's strongest spell, then he's not someone to mess with."

"He has a dumb look on his face, by the way. Does he really not notice the wound on his chest?"

"Yes, that's another thing I wanted to discuss, Koneko. He's kind of... not there."

"You mean dumb."

"Now now, Koneko, I'm sure he has his reasons."

"With that attitude of his, he does seem rather dim, Yuuto. He also seems quite immortal. His heart's actually better now—though I can still see it beating from here."

"So he's like Phenix immortal?"

"..."

"Alright, sorry geez."

"Rias, did you tell them about the 'sex'?"

"Precisely, Akeno. That's my point! If this lecher, if this admittedly impervious lecher can be turned to my purpose, then who knows how useful he ends up becoming...?"

"Oooh, I like that look on your face, Rias..."

"He could end up being a powerful pawn."

"Well, he'll technically _not_ be a Pawn."

Again, he heard none of the above. Though, even if he had, it was perhaps a given that Issei wouldn't have understood the whole thing.

He did decide that the feeling was of no consequence. He set to business: first the payment, then an answer from the Akeno, who hadn't responded to his question at all.

Rias Gremory sat before a great table, while the others stood and bustled around.

"Here is my payment," he said, retrieving the last, unbloodied bill he had on hand.

Rias accepted it and flashed him a smile. "Thank you for your business."

Issei bowed. "No thank _you_. You do great work..." Here he searched around for a word to describe the girl. Magician? Mage? Witch? "...Rias-san."

Rias crossed her legs. "Child's play, really."

Issei now looked to Akeno eagerly. Rias continued, "Now as to your question regarding the... 'welcome mat'?"

"Huh? Oh yes. Shoddy work, that. Needs a few improvements." Issei returned his attention to the redhead. Rias crossed her fingers in front of her breasts.

"We were wondering about the... significance of your comments regarding the sigil. I assume you are familiar with the script?"

Issei allowed himself a soft chuckle. That seemed the polite thing to do with slow, inquiring humans. "If you can even call it that. But yes, I have more than a passing knowledge with the script."

"Are you a devil?" Rias asked bluntly.

He blinked. He was aware that there were now four sets of eyes looking silently at him. This confused him.

"No," he said slowly. "But I have read of them. Aren't they the ones who do the sex most times?"

Rias snorted. She immediately covered her mouth with her hand. Akeno let out a short burst of giggling. The other two stared at him, openmouthed. The shorter one also had a small frown to go with her expression.

Now he was frowning. Issei felt very much foolish, like he was on the receiving end of a prank and every other person in the room was in the know. He'd had such pranks happen before, and they were very unpleasant experiences, even if he wasn't seriously affected—would a human notice ants laughing at him? (Well, perhaps if they were forming the word "You stupid fuck" where it could be read)

"So what _is_ a devil, then?"

"It's..." Rias breathed out. "Well, we're actually working for one. Devils are, look—what exactly are you, Issei?"

"I'm an angel." The other male in the room gasped. The others looked at each other. "So?" he pressed. "And a devil is...?"

"They're just like you. Only they're, well, not evil per se... You could call them 'being on the other side' of angels."

"Huh," said Issei, momentarily putting the question of sex aside. "And these so-called devils..." The memory came to him then. "Oh, Lucifer and his folk? Is that what they were?"

Rias snapped her fingers. "Yep. Exactly. The whole 'banished from heaven' thing."

"Well actually Michael just gave them a push and they all slipped... So you guys are working for one? And this is the one you're getting your powers from?"

Rias nodded slowly, glancing repeatedly at the other people in the room. "And that is why... we _wouldn't_ know of... the 'sex'." Issei sagged from disappointment.

"But!" interjected Akeno. Something passed quickly between the two, after which Rias sighed and shook her wrist. "But... Issei-san, we could make inquiries."

"Wait a second. Don't _you_ know? I mean, aren't you humans?"

The boy named Yuuto coughed. Rias sniffed audibly. "That is an over-generalization. Not all humans get to learn about sex." Issei's eyes widened in understanding. "And you have my assurance that none in the problem-solving club know. At present." She glanced at Yuuto. The latter shook his head, hands held up in surrender.

"Well alright then. I suppose I shall have to pursue my research elsewhere, as usual. Though I would appreciate a heads up."

"You'll pardon my asking, Issei," asked Rias, accepting a cup of tea from the short one. "But why are you so... curious about this sex?"

Issei shrugged. "Because I'm the only angel who hasn't had it." The redhead choked on her drink.

()()()

Sometimes, when he felt _slightly_ tired of the sex research, Issei amused himself doing mundane human things. No matter how fundamentically mundane they were, he found himself enjoying some of them.

The fact that near most of the things he enjoyed—like playing at video-arcades, catching the latest idol livestreams, or watching anime—were things the average human teenager did also never crossed his angelic mind.

One of these mundane activities was bird-feeding. He liked taking big chunks of bread to the park and tossing them to the ground to feed a teeming horde of featherbrains. He liked to pretend he still understood the thoughts of birds. (yet another function Ddraig forbade, now he could only _occasionally_ read human thoughts)

"Do you know it hurts to almost die?" he said, throwing down a new chunk. Two birds fought over that piece. "You living things have my sympathies. To be constantly living on the edge of a sword, totally unaware; and yet you all live your lives free of any sort of fear! Here you are, eating, chirping, without a care to sudden pain. Or death."

He picked up a bird. It protested, wriggling its wings. He put his face close to the bird's, directing his angelic will into its gaze.

"Oh that the Lord on High would have given you guys the intelligence thing. I'm sure you would've done better than these humans."

The bird pecked his eye.

Someone screamed near to him. That, and the sudden way he dropped the bird scattered every featherbrain to the winds, leaving nothing but half-eaten bread.

Issei, his damaged eye streaming blood down his cheeks, turned to the person who'd screamed. At first, he thought it an angel, but reminded himself that he could spot an angel when he'd see one, and this one was definitely no angel. It was just a human.

"A-are you okay?" said the human. Female. It was female. The long blonde hair had been what reminded him of angels. In Heaven, everyone was blonde, or was supposed to be. Come to think of it, he didn't recall the color of his own. There were no mirrors in Heaven.

He pointed to his eye. "No, this hurts a bit. But otherwise, I'm fine." He saw what the girl wore and resisted the urge to sigh. "Unfaithful nun" had been eliminated quite a while ago. He grimaced at the remembrance; that convent had called his mother, too.

"C-could you come closer please?" the nun cosplayer squeaked. "I—I think I can help you with that."

"Oh, there's no need for you to worry." Though, upon seeing the tears building up in the girl's eyes, he did as told and approached her. Issei disliked crying humans, and suffered them only when he couldn't escape the scene. Which, because of the lack of wings, happened most of the time.

"Ei!" When he'd neared, the girl suddenly threw her hand toward his face. There came a glow, and Issei felt a ticklish sensation stream through his eye-socket. When the girl withdrew her hand, he felt vision return to his other eye. He touched it tentatively and found that it had been healed.

"I appreciate that," he said, offering the human a smile. "How much do I owe you?"

The girl shook her head. "You don't need to pay me, sir."

The girl was being reticent. As most recently evidenced by that Rias Gremory, all humans had the innate sense of business. She was perhaps trying to get something more than money from him. "Surely such a service requires an equivalent price. Now I do insist on it, miss. Please allow me to do you a service in return. As a token of my... gratitude."

"I—It's fine sir, really..."

"Would you like some bread?" he asked, then remembered he'd thrown them all away. He looked at the remains on the ground, which some brave birds were now trying to eat. "Stop that, greedy dinosaurs! You," he pointed to one, who froze in fear from his pointing finger. "Give me your piece."

With grudging reluctance, the pidgeon flew up to drop off the piece on his palm.

The girl clapped softly. "Wow! Amazing... You can talk to birds?"

"Yes, I find them the most agreeable creatures. Did you know that Noah—" He stopped, remembering:

 _"—You dumbfuck! Do you know how long I've been trying to find you?" said a small dove._

 _"Why are you shouting?" he asked._

 _"You promised me you knew where Noah could land his boat! So where is it? All I can see around is blue, blue, blue!"_

 _"Oh, I'm sorry. These dolphins were just telling me about the sex."_

 _"Sex, shmex! Listen, when I get back you had better have some dry land all ready for the old man to dock. If you don't, I'll be sticking olives all up your ass!"_

 _"Oh, so you prefer a place with olives then?"_

He blinked, shaking the sudden recollection off. The girl stared at him in confusion. "Well, yes... most are agreeable birds..." He held out the dirty, battered piece of bread towards her. "Here you go."

"Er..." was all the girl could say, staring uneasily at the food. "It's very kind of you, but that bread's..."

"Oh, my apologies." He put his other hand over the bread, before revealing it to have grown back into the bun it had been. "Here you go."

The girl's eyes widened. "Wow. So you have a gift too... I mean, no—that's dirty bread, sir! It's got bacteria and stuff on it now-I think."

"Oh. That's a good point." Now it was his turn to look troubled. He didn't know what else to give a girl, except a hug or something. She must have sensed some of his discomfort, because she took the bread the next moment.

"Then... why don't you help me feed the birds, in return?" she said, pointing to the bread.

"I thought you said it was dirty."

The girl giggled. "I don't think birds mind."

"Oh, right. Another good point. The little screwballs won't care." He eyed the gathering birds suspiciously as the girl started picking off pieces to feed them.

"Earlier, I overheard you talking to them," the girl said. "Do you like feeding them?"

"I used to be able to hear their thoughts. Now I can't anymore, but they don't know that. Or don't you?" he asked the creatures. They said nothing.

The girl chuckled. "I would have liked to talk with one."

"That's a bad idea," he said. "Their thoughts aren't really friendly regarding humans."

"Really?"

"I can prove it to you." He pointed to the nearest pidgeon. "Come, bird." Thus commanded, the bird flew up to his palm. He held it up between the two of them.

The girl's face was a question mark. "Now you bird," he said, summoning up his best Gandalf impression. "In the name of God, speak to this one as she will understand best!"

After a pause, the bird opened its beak and started screaming something. The girl yelped, jumping back. Issei frowned. To his ears the bird was yelling out some unintelligible speech.

"Wh-why is it yelling?" the girl said, hands over ears.

"What on earth is it saying?"

"I—oh, of course! The bird's speaking Italian. He's yelling something about the..."

"Idiot bird. I command you be understandable!"

" _Biteandspreadyourgutsandchewthemswallowyourbitswholefoolishmammalscumyouare—"_

"He sounds really angry."

"Impudent animal. Be silent," he said. And the bird was silent. Gesturing, he let it head back down to join in the feast.

"Please excuse my presumption, mister miracle sir," said the girl, after the two watched the birds feed for a while. "But that speech sounded quite demonic."

"Well I did warn you. These birds have all sorts of grudges against the Chosen Species. They're descended from the dinosaurs, you see."

"But by what magic were you able to have that one speak, sir?"

"I just gave it the gift of tongues." He blinked, remembering something. "Temporarily. I'm not really authorized to grant it permanently yet."

"The gift of tongues? Like in Scripture?" the girl said, staring at him as if seeing him for the first time. She gasped. "Sir, are you an... an angel?"

"No, of course not," he said, offering a polite laugh. He resisted from "eye-rolling". It was obvious even to children that he didn't have wings nor halo, was not presently garbed in blinding white and did not wield his flaming sword.

After a beat, the girl giggled along hesitantly.

"I mean, not _right now_ , obviously."

"Er...what?"

"Oh, all this time we've talked and I didn't introduce myself—I'm Hyoudou Issei, part-time human." He bowed.

"A—Asia Argento..." the girl replied, bowing in turn. "So, Issei-san, y-y-you _are_ an angel?"

"As I said, not right now," he repeated good-humoredly.

"Holy shit!" The girl gasped, and slapped her mouth. She looked mortified. "Oh, milord forgive me my unworthy words..."

Issei looked at the girl, tilting his head like a thoughtful pigeon. "Relax. You're a human, remember? Just because you say it doesn't mean it'll come out of your mouth. And of course, excrement can never be holy."

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, Edited by Honore (Merlin).**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

This Asia was a strange child, even for a human.

"It's so fucking awesome—" Gasp. "May I be forgiven my trespass— Oh but god- _damn_! It's just so _good_!" Gasp. "Lord I did not mean to blaspheme—"

He sighed. The girl was slurping on ice cream from a cone. From the way she was eating, one would have assumed she was having the best sex—her voice was pretty close to the "screamer female" porn voice.

The girl still treated each so-called verbal blasphemy with fear. This, after he'd assured her that there was no way the Lord would want to know about, nor even care, that a girl like her was less than gracious with her words. Far be it from him to question the Lord's will, but he was pretty sure he had never been sent to punish a city just because its ruler said "godfuckdamnit" one too many times.

For his part, Issei munched on some cookies. The park seller had a pretty good baker, to be able to sell something an angel liked. He didn't hold with ice cream, particularly after getting his tongue scalded once.

"It's so heavenly...!" said Asia.

"If you say so..." he muttered under his breath.

Peronally, he thought the cosplayer was overstaying her welcome. He had to get back to the sex, and he knew the nun (and nun cosplayer) angle had already been disproved. But Asia always had these questions he was obligated to answer; Issei felt a bit obligated as one of the angels she believed in, especially to disprove some of her misguided notions.

One of these was the so-called "sinly behavior".

"No, Asia-san, I'm pretty sure it's okay," he said firmly. The girl had finished her cone, and yet now glanced forlornly at the ice cream stand.

"But it's approaching gluttony," said the girl uncertainly.

"You might have a point if you didn't want to get fat," said Issei, mouthing off what he recalled from that adults' magazine. "But if you really wanted to, then what's stopping you? God won't mind you the calories or whatever."

"Still..." The girl fidgeted idly. After a moment, she seemed to steel herself. "You're right, milord angel. The Lord won't mind if I get a few calories."

"Or a few pound," he added helpfully.

Silence. "I mean, it's just one ice-cream right?" Asia wondered aloud.

Issei shrugged.

"Just this one, and then I won't eat ice cream for a week. No, three days... No, tomorrow! Until tomorrow." Asia breathed in. "Just my last ice cream for the morning!" she yelled.

"Good for you," he said, pumping his fist in an encouraging way. Asia dashed towards the stand, her skirt fluttering.

"Three big fucking scoops please!" Gasp. "I'm sorry—" he heard her say.

It took him a full five seconds to realize this would be his chance to leave. Well, five seconds of _angel-thinking_. One would think they'd be faster than light—because of the whole "bringer of light" thing—but their thoughts actually moved just the same as humans'.

Brilliant inspiration moved at an even slower pace. It was a coal-fuelled machine, and there was never enough coal to burn.

Thus, it took Issei a full thirty seconds to realize he could leave, and another ten to even think of moving his legs.

At that moment, when he'd just stirred from thought, someone approached from behind.

"Good day, sex fiend."

He turned around, and looked down to find the shortest person from Rias Gremory's clubroom glaring up at him.

"Hello," Issei girl's eyes made him slightly uncomfortable. They were vaguely cat-like. "You are exceptionally short."

"And you're obscenely tall." The girl kicked him right up the groin. There was a crunching sound. He felt something break in his crotch. He was sure it was an injury.

"Wow," the girl said, after peering at him for a good, long second. "You really are freakishly oblivious, aren't you?"

"...Huh?"

"I'm sorry for kicking you," said the girl. "It's just that I get the urge to hit you when I'm looking at you."

"That's... well, I can't help you with that."

"S'okay," the girl said, shrugging. "But you could help us, and by us I mean the gift-giver club—"

"—Problem solver club," Issei interrupted. "Right?"

 _"—Don't interrupt birdbrain—_ ahem, because Master Rias—er, I mean the club prez has got a favor to ask. And in return, she has some intel about the se—the perverted thing you want."

"Very well," he said, puffing his chest up importantly. "If it is good intel, then I shall endeavor to repay my dues. So? Out with it, good human."

"Haah... well, that's just the thing, Big Bird. You've got to do us this favor first— _then_ we provide the info. It doesn't seem fair, don't you think, for a simple task like yours to outweigh a matter of great importance like this information? Do you get it?"

"Hmm..." Issei frowned, the slow machine in his head still chugging along. "It does... sound reasonable."

"Nice! Well, here's what Rias wants you to do. It's very simple..."

The girl finished explaining just as Asia came back, carrying a multicolored monstrosity the size of her head perched precariously on one sugar cone.

"...Wow," said the shorter girl.

"Ehehe... I may have overdone it a bit," said Asia, who began to nibble at a green, dripping mountain. "I just told him to add more and more flavors."

"Girl, this is Asia..." It occured to Issei, belatedly once more, that he didn't know this one's name. "Asia, this is... er, someone."

"Pleased to meet you Someone!" Asia chirped.

The girl sighed. "Koneko," she said. "Please call me Koneko." Issei noticed her attention focused on the ice cream.

"Koneko-san it is then. Koneko-san, Asia-san as it happens, is just as magical as your boss. She's got a powerful healing thing. Though I don't believe Asia's got a devil boss. I think." He quirked an eyebrow at the nun cosplayer.

Asia gasped. The monstrosity went tumbling down to make a soft _splat._

A glint of something vaguely and viciously cat-like entered Koneko's eyes.

 _A charged atmosphere, tense and taut, enveloped them—_ is what Issei would have felt, if he were but human. The two humans stared at each other, and Issei only noticed the silence when Asia didn't look like she was going to pick up the ice cream.

He looked from Koneko to Asia back to Koneko. Back, and forth. And back again. He looked down at the ice cream and sighed.

He gestured, and the ice cream and cone leapt up to his hand, good and fresh. He stared at the confection suspiciously, like it would burn him.

"I'll be going now, Hyoudou-san" said Koneko. She bowed. "We await your favorable results." She left at a swift jog.

"Um..." Asia then said, in the following silence. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to..."

He looked at the monstrosity. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"No thank you, er um... bacteria..."

"Ah, quite right," said Issei, remembering. He frowned at the unwanted treat.

He saw that Asia was no longer smiling.

"Something the matter?"

"N-no..." Asia looked down at what seemed to be an interesting part of the ground. "Um, mister angel... are you acquainted with that person?"

"Not really. I know her boss, with whom I have business relations. You know, I almost thought you knew her—both of you being magical and all. I guess humans can get pretty gifted, huh? Do _you_ also have a boss devil?"

"No!" Asia cried suddenly. "No, and God forbid it should be so."

"If you say so." He looked down at his crotch. "By the way, I don't suppose you could try and heal me?"

"S-sure... where?" He pointed at his crotch. Asia made a small, mouse-like squeaking sound. She trembled, puzzling Issei. "O-Oh dear... I mean—I'll do it—" she stammered.

The girl closed her eyes, then put forth her hand. A gentle warmth enveloped his groin; a caressing, soothing balm to the dull ache caused by Koneko. It felt pleasant, in a way, like soaking in a bubble bath.

A sudden, shrill screaming drew his attention. A group of people stood in the distance, pointing and shouting at him. Before he could speak, Asia had yelped and run off.

He didn't know why she'd run, but at least she saved him the trouble of having to think of ways to ditch her.

Then, he recalled that he hadn't properly thanked her yet for restoring the anatomy of his groin, which soured his mood immediately. It was quite inconvenient.

Several police officers sauntered up. "C'mon lad. Off to the station with you," one of them said.

He saw among them a person he recognized. "Good day, Officer Kumagawa," he said.

The other officer blinked. "Aw hell, what is it _now_ , Hyoudou-kun? You know I'm going to have to call your mother."

"That's... troubling." Issei held out the ice cream. "If I give this to you, can I get you to not call?"

()()()

Thankfully, they didn't call his mother. But they also didn't take the monstrosity. It was dusk when he finally left the station. His mind had now returned to the question of sex.

More specifically, Rias Gremory's request.

He was familiar with the church in this city. More than that, he could sense its presence even from far away. He supposed that was what drew pigeons to the park. After all, it was a shrine dedicated to the Lord, or so it seemed.

Koneko had described how it had fallen into disuse. As the problem-solving club, they'd apparently received a request to clean up the church, but since they were busy, they'd been putting it on hold for several weeks.

But now, with Issei, they could finally accomplish the task. Issei would be "out-sourced" help, fulfilling the request on behalf of Kuoh's problem-solving club. To that end, Koneko had given him vials of what she described as "cleaning" fluid. They looked similar to what he'd seen his mother use cleaning up the house.

Inside, the church was practically empty. Issei spotted a few bronze angels, amateurly crafted in the image of an angel whose name he'd forgotten. He saw sleeping birds on their jagged wings. He turned to the church's side, resolving to finish the task as fast as possible.

He placed the ice cream on one of the empty candle-holders and then unrolled the vials. They made a clacking sound when he shook them. Issei turned to a graven image of a saint and began spraying. When he was done, he moved on to the next.

After he completed a circuit of the whole church, he then moved on to the stations of the Cross. He perched on a pew and began spraying.

He was about to clean Veronica's face when he heard a gasp from somewhere below.

"Issei-san, what the hell are you doing?" Asia Argenta screamed. Her voice bounced off the walls, shook the stained-glass windows.

Issei put down the cleaner and looked at the cosplayer, who now didn't look out of place inside the church. She was covering her face with her hands, murmuring something low and repetitive.

"... Hello again, Asia-san. If you're still interested, your ice cream's over there."

Asia slapped her cheeks repeatedly, turning her cheeks cherry-red. Then she looked at him angrily. "What have you done, Issei-san?" She pointed to his work. "Why did you paint over the saints? And the Blessed Mother, and all the angels!"

Issei turned around and peered at his work. He'd given the drab sculptures and carvings a new luster, as Koneko had recommended. "My pardons, but I was cleaning, was I not?"

"You vandalized the frigging church!" Asia shrieked. Then she gasped. "Sorry Lord for what I said—wait, is 'frigging' even bad...?"

He still didn't know why the nun cosplayer was outraged. Near convulsing with anger, it even looked like.

"But see, didn't I give them a thorough cleaning?" Issei said.

"No, all you gave them was a fresh coat of paint! Now half the saints look like Smurfs, St. Andrew looks like half of Rome shat on him, and the Lord...ohmigod the Lord—forgive your angel what he's done to Thy Blessed Visage..."

"Well, perhaps you can fault the human artificers for their choice in color. I merely used these implements," he shook the cleaning vials for emphasis, "To clean them out. See look," he pointed at an angel. "Now _that's_ fairly accurate. The average angel's supposed to be pure white."

"Hyoudou Issei, wake up and read the fucking label! It's spray paint! You're holding fucking spray paint!" Asia then broke out in a stream of Italian, which, judging from her expression, was probably still a wholly livid rant.

"Hm..." Now Issei didn't seem sure. Asia had been greatly changed by what he'd done, so there must be a point to what she claimed.

"I'm..." The girl cradled her head. "'M sorry... Not supposed to be ungracious... and oh no I yelled at an angel..." She sank into a pew, while massaging her temples.

Issei jumped down from his perch. He walked over to the center of the church and scrutinized his work. While he held firm on his opinion on the bleached-white angel statue (nothing and no one in Heaven was _gray_ ), the blue-bedaubed saints and the red-smirched Marys caused a feeling of doubt.

Issei felt out of his depth. He was sure he was right, but Asia made him doubtful. It was unpleasant to contemplate.

"You're still alive?" said a voice from the altar. Issei half-turned, still focused on the perhaps realistic rendition of the Lord's bleeding face, and saw the angel who'd stabbed him standing at the steps to the altar.

Seeing her dislodged yet another memory from the morass of his mind. He was supposed to ask why this one had seen fit to stab him. Had she not recognized one of the higher Angels?

"I don't know how you survived, Hyoudou Issei," said the angel, slow and measured. "But you made a big mistake coming here."

His eyes were narrowed from deep thought. He was still processing Asia's reaction when he said, "It is good to see you, angel, I believe you owe me an expla—"

But the angel cut him off, surging forward and punching him up and through the stained glass of pig-fucking Michael; the momentum carrying him farther up and away from the church, flying through the night air, unable to react, as if he were a bird caught helplessly in a storm.

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin)**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Alright, a little spoiler guys, angelic descriptions (and a little of devils) in this story from this point on is going to draw from _Shin Megami Tensei IV._ It's not a crossover, just the concept. It's all good if you haven't played it; nothing of that story or its characters will appear here. **

* * *

_And thus, the dragon woke._

()()()

The Honored Peerage of Rias Gremory had only just defeated a stray devil when Hyoudou Issei went splat like a dropped pumpkin near her.

"What the—?" Devils were quite used to blood and offal to be appropriately shocked. In her own time, Koneko had crushed tons of skulls, and Akeno was used to the sight of desiccated flesh. Kiba was a bit squeamish, but he kept his cool. Rias looked surprised, but only because it had been so sudden.

They stared at the corpse. It looked like it had been chewed up by and spat out by a rambunctious giant.

Then the corpse spoke.

"Why hello, Rias-san."

Rias swallowed. "I-Issei-san?"

"Yeah." Despite the lack of any distinguishable head within the mess, the so-called angel's voice was clear and audible, completely oblivious to the rest of its body. "Listen, I just finished that thing you had me do."

It took Rias a full moment before answering. "Sorry, what?"

"He means your job," Akeno supplied, staring with part fascination and disgust at the thing that had been Issei. It was like conversing with a puddle of goo.

"Oh? The church request? Are you— Is that why—" Rias put her hands together, in line with her mind putting the pieces in place. "Did anyone attack you, Issei-san?" she said, hushed.

"Just a rude angel," said Issei. "But it is no trouble, I did my job before she punched me."

"She _punched_ you." That was Koneko, completely flat in voice and chest.

"Like I said, unreasonable." They could almost imagine Issei shaking his head. "Although, I do remember you kicking me in my groin a few hours ago, Koneko-san."

Everyone looked at Koneko. "What?" she asked the closest, Yuuto.

"Nothing," the boy replied. He was inching away from the short girl. "But remind me never to piss you off. Or at least get crotch-protectors..."

"What's so bad about—?"

"It's the balls," Akeno supplied. "The balls are like..."

"The weakness. Now, useful for enemies, but never do it on friends," said Yuuto.

"Like, say if you really want to disable a human—"

"Alright, everybody just stop talking about balls!" cried Rias, imposing order. Her Peerage apologized in chorus. Her eyes went back to the puddle formerly known as Issei. In her mind, she was already formulating a proposal. "We've far more important things to talk about."

"Like the intel you promised," Issei said.

"Exactly, like reviv—what." All thought in her mind ceased.

"The intel? The one Koneko-san promised you would give if I did your job. I already did my part. Even got into this mess, too, but that's part of the job. Well, it's your turn, Rias-san. Where's the repayment?"

Rias swallowed. "Well, Issei-san, this looks like a really messy situation you're in, doesn't it? I mean, you're practically..."

"In pieces," Yuuto said. Koneko slapped the boy up the head, murmuring "Don't interrupt".

"In pieces, thank you Yuuto. Now you might seem fine, but don't you need help—"

"It's good you're offering, Rias-san, but I'd just like the intel for now please. I can just wait some time to recover. Lord knows I waited eons just to get my first solid piece of info."

"That's understandable," said Rias, smiling to herself weakly. "S-so the intel..."

"I'm ready to take notes... well, mental notes."

"Right, um..." She whirled on her Peerage, her expression simultaneously expectant and thunderous. Koneko looked to Yuuto, Yuuto to Akeno and Akeno to the sky.

" _Koneko!_ " she hissed.

"Rias-sama, I lived and died a virgin."

"Yuuto..."

"Rias-sama, despite what my reputation in school might say, I'm no more versed in sex, than er—"

"Oh, shut up. Akeno?"

Akeno looked less panicked than her fellow Peers. "Why don't you start with the Talk?" she whispered.

"The what?"

"'Birds and bees', 'when a man loves a woman', you know, the basics."

"Akeno, I'm pretty sure the angel knows about that," said Yuuto, doubtful.

"Or maybe not," Koneko pointed out.

"Right. Koneko's right. He _is_ dim, Rias-sama. You could offer the Talk," said Akeno.

"The talk. Very good... The Talk." Rias licked her lips. She rubbed her hands together. Despite the easy solution, she still didn't look relaxed. "Akeno, how do I do the Talk?"

Yuuto looked surprised. "Rias-sama, you don't know the Talk?"

"I... learned the facts of making love by myself."

"I bet it was a doujinshi," muttered Koneko.

"As such, I am in no position to give the information to him," said Rias. "Akeno?"

Akeno huffed. "Must I do _everything_ , Rias-sama?"

"Akeno."

"Oh, fine. _I'll_ talk to him." She went up to the Issei puddle and began explaining.

A few minutes later, Issei seemed satisfied.

"Love..." Issei said, to himself.

"Yep," Akeno said, making a silent thumbs up behind her.

"So first I have to seek 'love'."

"Which, in some ways, is difficult," Akeno interjected gently.

"I'm familiar with the concept. And you're telling me the 'first love' scenario is the most likely course for me to be able to learn the sex."

Akeno didn't know what kind of scenario he was talking about, but nonetheless said "Yes."

Issei said nothing for a few moments. Then he said, "I need to think on this." Rias' shoulder visibly relaxed. "I thank you, Akeno-san, Rias-san."

"It's a pleasure doing business with you, Issei-san. And... are you sure you don't need any help with...?"

"I will be fine," said Issei. "As I said, I need to think. We shall speak again, Rias-san."

The Gremory heiress sighed. "I look forward to it." Turning, she gestured for them to leave. A massive magic circle engulfed them.

"Ensure you are ready," Rias Gremory told her Peerage, eyes steeled for battle. Hers were now the eyes of battle and carnage.

"That was most masterful, Rias-sama," said Akeno, a ghost of a smile on her face. "Now the church is quite desecrated."

At Akeno's words, Rias focused her senses on the faraway church. Its holy presence, toxic to devils, was now much diminished. Issei, for all his faults, had done his job well.

"We must be cautious, of course," said her Knight. "Though Fallen, they are still angels."

"Stop worrying, Yuuto," said Koneko. "It will take a Host of Fallen to bring down a Gremory. And me," she added.

Rias looked into each of her Peerage's eyes. "I expect only the best," she said. "Do not dare fail me." She glanced at Issei one more time, before snapping her fingers.

The magic circle glowed, and Gremory's Peerage disappeared.

()()()

Connections.

Everything relied on connections.

It was true in the physical, the mental, the spiritual, and all other related spheres.

It was very true here, in the quasi-imaginary soul of one Hyoudou Issei, where a dragon now also dwelled—via a series of connections the dragon itself thought impossible.

That angels had _souls_ , that had been surprising to Ddraig, when the two had began Project: Hyoudou Issei. While the dragon did not hold much with the lore of the soul, he was well-learned with certain wisdoms; the fact that the angel immediately refuted the claim that angels were an existence wholly divided from the physical (and thus, lacked souls, being an existence close to souls themselves) had disturbed him, and it was only because he was gravely injured that he looked past that.

And then Ddraig saw deeper into the angel's soul, and discovered wisdom that shattered his entire world.

Those secrets were his to keep, perhaps until he recovered enough to attempt a separation from the Issei body. But that process was likely to take more years than the average human lifespan—another problem they had to troubleshoot down the road. The angel had been most impatient to turn into a human.

Ddraig could say this much: angels were quite compatible with dragons, more than the latter could be with humans or any other entities.

The dragon awoke then, alerted to a beeping in his bedroom. The status screens above were blaring a siren of woe. Ddraig went to the closest terminal, which he hadn't used in a long while.

The screen lit up as his claws flew over the keyboard. "Welcome to Windows. Press any key to begin installation" he read. Ddraig smashed a fist into the screen, cursing. He left the room in a hurried flutter.

Deep in their combined soulscapes, Ddraig flew, a tiny drakeling flitting through an endless corridor which might have belonged to a futuristic industrial factory. Pipes and wires criss-crossed the ceiling, and the walls were a uniform gray. Intermittently, the walls broke up into doors.

He went into one important-looking door that said "Management". Normally locked, it said something for the angel's trust in him that it would always open. It also said something for Ddraig that he didn't take advantage of the trust (not that he could, he _did_ need the rest).

Inside, he found the angel, here a floating orb of light, lying motionless on the floor.

"Angel!"

No response. Sighing, Ddraig turned to the TV screens on the opposite wall, which confirmed the state of the Hyoudou Issei body.

All of them declared DANGER in red, desperate font. Thankfully the world wasn't crumbling around him, which meant that the soul was quite intact. But there was a danger of it falling into the wrong hands, which neither Ddraig nor the angel wanted but could do anything about-without control of the body.

Ddraig flew to the control panel below the screens, which was set there to perform operations on the Issei body. He peered around, then found the appropriate dial. He was about to set it to maximum, when the angel spoke behind him.

"Dragon?"

"Angel!" he turned around. The light orb now flitted upwards. "What's happened to the body?"

"Hm? Oh, it's in pieces at some park. I'm just waiting for it to regenerate."

"How the heck did that happen? You run into a body-chopping maniac?"

"There was a misunderstanding with an angel... Anyway, dragon, it is good you're here. I'd just like to complain about all this pain I'm having. It's quite uncomfortable. You didn't prepare me for this."

"It's called _dying_ , angel. That's generally what happens when the body bleeds out because it's in pieces."

"Is it going to take quite long?"

Ddraig turned back to the control panel. He grunted. "It's going to take a lot longer. The body parts need to be connected to each other to heal, you see. If it's in pieces like that..." Actually, the chances were impossible. That was why Ddraig had been woken. It was panic time for the Issei body.

"Actually, angel," said Ddraig after a pause. "We're about to reboot the Issei body."

"Fantastic."

"But in the meantime, it will need to be... reconstituted first. To ensure the parts are fitted against each other, so connections vital to the regenerative process can be made."

"Like putting it in a cast?"

"Precisely. To do that, we have to activate a failsafe. I call it the 'Angelic Scale Mail'. The Issei body's going to look weird for a time."

"It's no trouble. Anything to get rid of the pain."

"...I understand. Well, I won't delay then." And then, Ddraig turned the dial beyond "Maximum" to "It's GO time".

The surroundings began to shake. Machinery shrieked from somewhere far away. Then came the sound of a thousand fans starting up.

()()()

It was unmistakable. Rias' peerage were closest, and even they had to avert their eyes. The pillar of light that erupted, connecting earth and sky, the ground and the heavens, was a neon-light proclaiming "hey, something holy's in here". It turned night to blinding day, evening to glorious morning.

"Rias..."

"It's fine," said the Gremory heiress. "Isn't it good that he recovered? For now we have those Fallen to destroy."

Then the light faded. Rias cast her eye upon the place where Issei had been, and shivered. Something holier than the church had been existed there. Even from a distance, Rias' head ached. She shook herself.

"Rias-sama, perhaps we should delay—"

"No," snapped Rias. "Issei gave us this opportunity. We dare not waste it."

Her Peerage glanced with differing apprehension at where the pillar of light had been. What the heck had happened to Hyoudou Issei?

And would he interfere, in a battle between Fallen Angels and Devils?

()()()

He could honestly say he was impressed. Even if, in a way, he'd helped engineer it. An armored form to fit over the Issei body, plus the angelic wings to emphasize the angel's true nature. Angel and dragon, perfectly intertwined, molded in the imperfect image of Man. Majestic.

A distant worry bugged him. They had been _too_ compatible. He hadn't questioned it in Issei's designing, but his newfound wisdom now crept up to unsettle him. Ddraig would probably not be sleeping soundly in the days to come.

()()()

And so, quite suddenly, the pain was gone.

And then he felt something different. Or rather, everything felt different. He touched his cheek. Red gauntlet touching red helmet. He clenched his hand. Red, metallic everything.

Then he noticed it. His wings. His wings had returned.

Immediately, he flew. He flexed wings he hadn't felt in a while. The joy of having a body part return to him was incomparable. A bird healed fully from a broken wing could not have exulted more.

 _"Angel."_

"Oh, dragon. Thank you very much for the wings. A nice touch, very awesome."

 _"I'm glad you like it. But uh, might be better if you start walking now. You look weird enough clad in the Scale Mail, add in the flying thing and—_ "

"Quite right. I do not want to meet Officer Kumagawa again."

" _Hey how is that old pervert? He retired yet?"_

"He's been divorced again."

" _Hah!"_

The angel descended. It planted its armored feet on the ground, took one tentative step, and then fell into a clattering metal heap.

There was silence.

" _Did you seriously forget how to walk?_ "

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin)**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

They all saw the pillar of light from the hole left by the intruder. Even if the sight of it was unbelievable, the sheer joy that filled them led none to mistake its true nature.

It was a true heavenly apparition. And it disgusted them so.

"Careful, Raynare. No need to start spitting out hymns now."

"I'm not, shut up," she spat at her fellow angel. The other Fallen were already muttering amongst themselves. "Start the extraction without delay," she continued, pointing to the cowering human. "The stench of devils approach. We do not want them stealing the Sacred Gear."

"Why are you all so worried?" asked the exorcist, the other human in their company. "So it's a pillar of light. Big deal. I can make a pillar of sex right here if anyone asks. Wouldja like one, Raynare? Care to whisper sweet _hosannas_ to it?"

"Be silent, human. There are things your pathetic brain was not meant to know." Her thoughts would not linger on the light. It was time to prepare for battle.

()()()

Creak. Step. Crash.

"Oof."

Creak. Step. Crash.

" _Feel like I stepped in a time machine. Are we sure it's not fifteen years ago?"_

Creak. Step. Crash.

"It is proving... difficult."

Issei's pitiful attempts at walking were each punctuated by a slip and a fall. Sometimes Issei would wobble on one leg, having made the first step, only to have the second step be the downfall.

" _Maybe it's the wings. The wings are throwing you off_."

"I like the wings."

" _Yeah, but maybe not rely on them, y'know, for now. Don't think of them as part of you for a while. Like, 'I got wings, so what, they're just for display'. Just forget them, because you got legs now. You prefer to walk on legs, even with the wings."_

 _"_ Like ostriches."

" _Or a cosplaying human._ "

Issei decided to follow the dragon's lead. He took one breath, took a step, then ended up rocketing forward to bulldoze a vending machine.

Water, soda and tea soaked the Scale Mail.

 _"That was good. But when I said forget, I really meant_ forget."

"Accursed human legs. _This_ is why birds should have been the dominant species."

" _Or dragons_."

()()()

"Lie down there."

All her life she did as she was told.

 _Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth._

She accepted gladly. She was the Holy Maiden, miracle made flesh. The Blessed One.

She believed that she was loved. Appreciated, at least. Many were the smiles sent her way. "Thank you, Maiden." "May ye be requitted, Maiden." "A thousand blessings."

 _Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God._

And even when she fell, when she made her first mistake, her resolve remained unchanged. Her faith, unbroken.

Even if the smiles turned to frowns. The love, warped to disdain.

And fear.

 _Get thee behind me, Satan_.

She did not weep, when the condemned her. She did not protest, when they exiled her. She did not refuse, when they asked the ultimate sacrifice of her.

She will be Forever Faithful.

And even if, for a brief moment, she achieved some peace—

 _The average angel's supposed to be pure white._

-she would not hesitate to give her life.

"Good girl," the angel said with a smile. Asia's place was among these Fallen ones. Black-winged angels, outcast from the light of Heaven.

She does not deserve the pure light of angels like Hyoudou Issei.

So it's alright. She doesn't need to worry about it anymore.

 _Take this cup from me—_

-the angel's hand plunges in, taking what was never hers to begin with—

()()()

" _Good, good, very good._ "

Issei's armored form strutted and marched on steady legs. Walking, like flying, became second nature quite easily.

"It is all very simple. What humans learn as children, _I_ can learn in but a few minutes," he declared.

" _I'm glad your results jived with your confidence."_ After a jogging start, the angel took off into the air, going supersonic in three seconds. " _Wait, where are you going?_ "

"Off to downtown. There should be some humans there. I need to speak with some," said Issei.

 _"Whoa whoa whoa! You can't just go where the humans can see you! You're wearing the Scale Mail!"_

"Angelic."

" _Yeah, you're flying too! The humans'll just run. They'll think you're an invader from outer space!"_

The angel decelerated in less than a second, and slammed down into an empty alley in Downtown. "I know what I'm doing, dragon. Humans cannot see something that is too fast for their eyes. Why do you think ninjas are so powerful?"

" _The wha—?_ "

He emerged onto the alley, head swiveling left and right. Flashes of light began to appear around him, though Issei ignored that. People screamed; he ignored that too.

" _And here they are, already snapping pictures._ "

With the Scale Mail on, the Issei body was now the average height of a professional basketball player and was just as intimidating. He towered over the rush hour people, who now edged around him out of wonder or fear.

" _I've got a bad feeling about this, angel. What are you trying to do?_ "

Issei sighed. "Very well. Perhaps it would be better if I started." He went to the nearest person (who'd been shoved to the front by mob mentality and now cowered before the approaching titan) and said to her, "Good evening. I'm looking for someone who needs loving."

()()()

"My oh my, such hatred, devil-san. In fact, if I didn't know better, you're really gunning for me, ain't ya?" The exorcist twirled his saber and made a mock salute.

Kiba Yuuto didn't grace him with a response. He went right back on the offensive, assaulting the enemy with a cold, determined fury.

Their blades locked together. "Always a pity that kids like you get caught in partisan politics. You would have been a great fighting partner. Well, more punching bag and water boy, but you get my drift." The exorcist snickered and turned his blade, snapping Yuuto's into pieces. Before he could take advantage, the boy had somersaulted sideways, and in his hand was yet another blade.

Two blades, the exorcist found. "Dual wielding now? You need two to prove you can't handle one? Worthless!"

"Yuuto, look out!"

Rias' attack smashed into the ground where they had been. They both leaped away, but not before being hit by the debris. The exorcist licked the blood from his cheek where it had been cut.

When the smoke cleared, Yuuto still stood at the other end, just as bloody, just as enraged.

The exorcist giggled. "It will be just... exquisite chopping you to bits, devil."

Yuuto raised his swords, crouching into position. "Is your mouth all you're good for? Have at you, worm."

()()()

"This love thing is difficult."

" _You're going at it the wrong way, angel."_

Issei had no choice but to fly when plenty of officers had come running. He now floated among the clouds, bits of frost sticking to his armor.

" _You can't just go in half-cocked. Love is a complicated ritual that cannot be hastened. It needs to be eased into, like sinking into a hot bath, else your ass gets burned very muchly."_

 _"_ I see... I think."

" _You just leave it to me, angel. I did promise you I'd get you the Sex._ "

"Have you loved before, dragon?"

There was a short silence before he answered. " _A few times, yes_."

"The sex?"

" _It's different for dragons, but yes. And twice wearing a human body. So I am a bit experienced on that part. You gotta understand, angel, it is entirely possible to experience the Sex without love. The latter's just a nice little sweetener in the exchange. You get me?"_

"Very well, I shall trust you, for now."

" _Now, first off, you need the proper target. You can't just choose a random person on the street."_

"Alright."

" _You need to pick someone. Anyone that interests you. Now, my personal favorite criteria are people who're at least big-breasted, in addition to—_ " Ddraig sighed. " _Well, let's not go into fetish territory yet._ "

"What's a fetish?"

" _It's something you need to figure out by yourself,"_ the dragon said hastily. " _Going back to the criteria, is there someone here who interests you?_ "

Issei frowned. "If I am basing it on my standards, then no humans interest me. They are small and petty."

" _... Okay. We can work on that. Hmmm... Well, let's just move on. In a battle for love, it helps to be adequately prepared. You need proper wargear._ "

"Like, for going into battle?"

" _Love is its own battle, so is the sex._ "

Issei crossed his arms. "I do not feel myself adequately armed," he said. As if granted some divine inspiration, he snapped his fingers.

" _That's still alright. I'm just saying—_ "

"Thank you for reminding me, dragon. I had been so focused on the sex as a human that I completely forgot to ask you to remove the restrictions on my wings. With these, I can finally punish any human who deserve it."

 _"Punish?_ "

Issei descended a few hundred feet. His wings were spread wide: a vast, golden-hued array of feathers and divine matter. By the light of the quarter moon his wings began to glow brighter, like the sun.

" _What are you doing?_ "

"I sometimes forget. I go in 'half-cocked', as you said. I took my leave of the Lord without taking all my gear with me. It happened before, and it made my Task harder. Now that I have these wings, I can get it back." Issei began to hum. He was an angel whose task was not in the singing. But almost nothing got done in Heaven without a little song or two. Musicians would have fit right in there.

" _Get what back?_ "

Issei's tune began to rise, reaching an inhuman pitch. He stretched forth his arm towards the skies above.

Clouds appeared where there hadn't been before. They began to swirl together, forming a tempest that started crackling with silent lightning.

Light then broke through the canopy of clouds, shooting a ray that enveloped Issei. From within the source, something came streaking down like a small shooting star.

 _"What is that?"_

Issei relaxed his body. "My sword." He reached for it, clamping his hand down on the hilt.

But the sword kept going. And Issei went down with it.

"Uh oh."

The sword, crashing into the earth, continued its momentum and began to carve a line through the city. Issei's wings shook, his hand shaking as he attempted to rein in the wayward sword. Explosions and screams trailed in his wake. A building went down; bridges sliced neatly in two.

 _"Are you okay, angel?"_

"It's—all—fine—un—used—to—it—too—strong—"

" _Okay then. Just so you know, this wasn't what I meant by 'adequately prepared'-but let's talk later."_

The sword, initially travelling at the speed of a jetliner, began to cross the sea of Japan with increasing speed. Massive tidal waves erupted behind the angel. Issei hung onto the hilt like a hapless waterskier caught in the schemes of a crazy pilot.

()()()

At first, it had only been two. Heaven vs. Hell. God and the Loyal, against the Dissenter and his supporters.

Then an irregularity stirred among the angels. Some tired of the war eternal. The scrolls spoke of the Sin; to these scrolls they returned, reminding them that there were pleasures in the World below.

Inevitably they succumbed to its temptations. They discharged themselves from the conflict. A group that forswore both Heaven and Hell for the World. A world they could manipulate and influence. A world they could rule.

They Fell, but not to Hell. They became the Fallen Angels, desiring to shape Creation to their own ends.

In a way, their aims aligned with Hell. But they scorned the folk of the First Fallen, who had girded themselves in obtuse trappings of pomp and ritual. A decadent folk who only used the Creation for their own ends, for the sake of Hell and everlasting victory.

The Devils, in turn, mocked the would-be rebels. Minor angels, lesser in stature, thinking themselves gods and goddesses. In doing so, they were little better than the beings that had sprung up in pantheons across Creation. Self-centered. Misguided.

The War had ended, but the enmity was everlasting.

Infernal flames seared them. The accursed Gremory never let up. One of them stumbled, screaming as his wings melted.

Taking a spear, Raynare flew high and aimed true.

A curtain of hellfire rose up and consumed the spear. When it parted, Rias stood, and chucked a wad of power into the offending angel.

Raynare brought forth a shield, relic of a forgotten age. It shattered under the Gremory's spell. She would not call its loss a waste.

She darted up, looming high above the devil. She beckoned with her fingers. "Forfeit your cause, hellspawn. You and your minions are nothing before me."

Devil wings emerged from behind Rias. "Know your place, wretch. You stand before a Gremory. Burn, if you will not bow."

"Amusing," Raynare said, coldly. "You think throwing around power can win your battles for you? Well, I can do that too." She spread her arms, and green light emanated from the angel, its glow filling the church. After, the downed angel rose, re-engaging the nearest devil.

"Hey, thanks for the assist, Raynare! A little late, but whatever," said the insolent exorcist from below.

"Healing..." said Rias, her eyes quickly taking in the situation. "Hmph. So you did take the Gear."

"It will perform its service better with us than with that human's," Raynare said dismissively. "Does it bother you, devil?"

Rias' gaze narrowed into slits. "But what good will that magic help you if I obliterate you all right now?" She began gathering energy for an attack. Then a shape appeared right in front of her.

"Interesting, devil! Allow me to test your confidence," said the exorcist, his blade swinging with lethal decisiveness.

"Rias-sama!"

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread and edited by Honore (Merlin)**

 **Long chapter split. Second half to come soon.**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

The catalogue of damages read thus: one mountain range bisected, three new river-paths formed, two secret nuclear silos unearthed to catastrophic results, and twenty-seven cities ravaged.

The sword now skimmed through the desert, kicking up sandstorms left and right. The angel's hands felt numb from clutching the vibrating hilt of the wayward sword for nigh on two minutes.

It was only then that Issei thought to try gripping the sword with both hands. Grunting like a beat-up engine, the sword jerked and bucked like a rampaging bull; but Issei now felt the blade become a bit more manageable.

"A bit more" in that he could steer it away from a city—and straight into the military airfield right next to it.

" _I think I figured out the problem,"_ said the dragon.

"Eh?" was all the angel could say as blasts of wind wiped the soot and rocket fuel from his armor.

" _Perhaps there's a bit of a compatibility problem with the Scale Mail armor_. _Does your sword have a security program installed?"_

"I can make it so it's flaming or not."

" _Is it only your sword? Or do the other angels get to use it?"_

"This sword is mine. It has never served another."

" _So we'll work on the assumption that it has a system discouraging other entities from using it. And right now, technically, you aren't an angel."_

"But this is my sword," the angel said in protest. "I—" the rest of what he said was drowned out when he plowed straight into a sandstorm.

" _I'm going to adjust something here. But you have to let go of the sword, angel. It's the only way."_

"I am not letting go of the sword."

" _You say that, and we spend the rest of the week destroying the entire world."_

"I do not care for the humans."

" _Then how will you learn the Sex?"_

The sword was just about to hit the Aral Sea when the angel snarled, putting his back against the hilt and tilting the sword to point upward just enough before he let go.

Freed, the sword whirled like a destructive baton through the skies, heedless of migrating birds and airliners.

" _Okay, go, go! Get it!_ "

"Huh?"

" _Get after it! If you haven't noticed, I modified the Scale Mail so your hand's exposed. The Issei body's almost healed anyway, so it doesn't really need the armor anymore._ "

Issei looked at his right hand, which was indeed not wearing the red gauntlet.

 _"Perhaps the sword will respond better. By the way, if this doesn't work, can I rule Europe? It's always been a fantasy of mine... Well, stop gawking, angel! Go! Go!"_ The angel took off without delay, chasing after the sword's steadily dwindling shape in the sky.

The sword was heading back east. It had already nicked a few wings along the way. It then began to descend, its momentum only now seemingly spent.

()()()

"Hey devil! Is playtime over?" said the exorcist, sneering.

"Tch." Rias took a step forward and glanced down at the damage. Yuuto looked pained, but his eyes still roared a silent fury.

"I apologize for that, Rias-sama," Yuuto mumbled. His wings had emerged in full force.

Green light suffused the area again. What had once been a heavily injured exorcist was now literally bouncing off the walls with eagerness. Off to the side, the other Fallen rose up again. Rias' plan to isolate and eliminate Raynare had failed.

"Now that yer Knight's down for the count, can I go ravish the rest of you bitches?"

"Be silent, scum," said Yuuto, rising from his knees to attack.

()()()

Even with the exposed hand, the most Issei could do was stop it from spinning. The sword still continued its descending arc, dragging Issei down with it.

He heard the dragon sigh. " _Well, that was a good try. Looks like I'll be looking forward to roosting in the white one's estates for a while..."_

Issei gritted his teeth. Bits of the Scale Mail armor were now flying off like dried scabs. "Stop—it—!" His wings blazed to full, and from afar he was a comet about to strike the earth. With super-angelic effort, he jerked his sword upward.

There. It was done. He'd regained control. He almost chuckled from relief. The sword was now just a sword.

And then he crashed through a roof.

()()()

They could feel his coming, like a giant lumbering over their doorstep. They just didn't know it was a giant until it crashed through the church roof, instantly filling the whole area with a brilliance as blinding as the sun.

Those with wings weathered the sudden explosion of wood and stone. Those without—the only one without—was knocked into a Smurf Saint.

Raynare and the rest of the Fallen had to stop and clutch at their throats, to stop the song about to burst from within them. They had fought the Loyal before; they had endured the assaults of the Pure.

But they had not seen the Light of the Heavens in a long time, and the radiance in those wings that spread upward in a great arc was burning their wings white, pulling up instincts long buried.

And thus they writhed, in torment, as if holding back a massive, divine orgasm.

()()()

" _You pulled too hard."_

"Hm?" Issei was busy glaring at the blade, as if daring it to move.

 _"You let the angel side loose. You've gone complete Ascendant. Which, in a way, is my fault, for letting the Scale Mail break down, but we're going to have to work at reconfiguring the Issei body._ "

"So I am an angel now? Is that why I feel my legs aren't touching the ground?"

" _We're going to have to fix that, or you'll never get the Sex. I'll get started on the re-design._ "

"I want the wings to be a standard." Movement caught his eye, and he raised the sword, determined to incinerate a bird just for their inherent insolence.

But then he saw no bird there, just the angel. There were others, but his gaze focused on the angel who'd stabbed and punched him. He frowned; now recalling he was displeased with this particular angel. He put his sword away and drew the Scroll.

" _Where did_ that _come from?"_

()()()

Raynare watched with growing apprehension as the blazing apparition began unrolling a Scroll. Fully opened, it was as wide as its body.

Then the apparition looked at her. Her wings tensed, anticipating a quick escape.

"Angel," said the apparition, speaking with an authority that shook the earth, like a rock legend belting out. "Nothing excuses your conduct towards us. You have been quite unhelpful. Your privileges are henceforth revoked. You are to return to Heaven, to resume your singing duties, and shall not be allowed to return hither for... five years. So shall it be, in the name of the Lord." The apparition made a stamping sound on the scroll.

To her dismay, she found her body already reacting to the Command. Her wings twitched; her body emitting streams of light. She looked wildly at her comrades, who shied away from her, afraid of being caught in her sentence. Uttering a final, pained shriek, she felt her body dragged away, away to Heaven. A glowing object dropped down to the floor where she had been.

There was silence. The apparition looked at the other Fallen. "You guys should probably go with her. Don't worry. You're not punished. But we've got it covered down here." The apparition made a second stamp upon the scroll. "So shall it be."

The other angels looked at each other before they too disappeared.

()()()

Issei gawked at his Scroll. He didn't want it to be true, but it was.

His handwriting had gotten horrible.

"What the fuck just happened?" someone said, though he paid the speaker no mind.

()()()

Rias watched the proceedings in a dazed stupor. All the adrenaline from fighting the battle had gone, snuffed out like candlelight in the wind.

Her Peerage had gathered around her in a protective formation. They were ready to escape quickly, if Rias willed it. And she would have, had she not seen the person who emerged from the rubble.

"That's Issei, isn't it?" she murmured.

"He's really an angel," said Akeno. Under the wonder, Rias could detect a hint of wariness in her Queen.

"We must leave, Rias-sama," Yuuto urged. His expression was still quite tense.

"I agree with Yuuto," Koneko whispered. "Remember that this is an angel, Rias-sama."

Rias pursed her lips. True, it was an angel. But there was one thing the others seemed to have missed. If this was truly an angel, then why hadn't they collapsed from the sheer holiness of its presence?

Then the exorcist spoke.

()()()

Even by the third jeer, Issei still didn't look up from the Scroll. Ddraig had to call his attention, feeling a bit sorry for the human being neglected.

"Eh? What do you want?" asked Issei, glancing up distractedly. The human was screaming himself hoarse in a fast-paced, gibberish speech that grated in his ears.

"—So I think I'll just amuse myself with cutting you right now, Lord fucking knows I deserve it after all the crap I get from His majesty's finest fucking traitors—"

"The human will be silent," he snapped, then went back to the Scroll.

And thus, the human had no mouth.

For a long moment, it felt at its face for the mouth that should have been there but now wasn't.

Enraged, the human threw a rock. It bumped against his head.

Issei looked down the top of the scroll at the human. He set down the Scroll. He grabbed the sword and pointed.

"You are to go to the Fortress of Solitude, human."

And thus, the human disappeared.

" _The Fortress of what?"_ asked Ddraig.

"Solitude. I read it in a comicbook once. It is appropriately named; he shall learn the value of keeping silent in the presence of his betters."

" _Isn't that Superman's home?"_

"I think."

" _You sent the poor guy to the North Pole? Or wait, was it the South...?_ "

"I sent him to the Fortress of Solitude," Issei repeated emphatically, once again finding dragons exceedingly slow of wit.

" _... Poor guy._ "

()()()

"Is it some sort of advanced teleportation?" Rias wondered, watching the angel talk to himself. "Or..."

"Maybe he banished him into nonexistence," Koneko said.

"Rias-sama, we have _got_ to go," Akeno said, tugging on her arm.

"Very well," said Rias, reluctant. She'd just witnessed Fallen angels and a human exorcist banished without protest. It was still difficult to wrap her mind around it.

And there was still the issue of the supposedly holy presence.

Rias sighed. She took one last look, and then caught Issei's eye. The angel's eyes lit up in recognition.

()()()

"Hello again, Rias-san," he said. It took a moment to register the wings behind her back, which were also behind everyone else. He could not help but raise an eyebrow.

He addressed Rias, who'd frozen up. "So you were angels all along? I'm sorry I didn't catch on."

"Er... no... we aren't... I mean—that's alright-"

He looked around, seeing his surroundings for the first time. "Hey, isn't this that church? Talk about a coincidence." He then caught sight of Asia's body lying prone on the altar.

"Asia-san!" he said. He rotated his body, preening. "In case you still don't believe, _this_ is what an angel should be. Well, I got no halo at the moment, but this is what I look like. Pure white!" Asia didn't respond. "Asia-san?"

" _Angel..._ "

"Issei-san," Rias said behind him.

Feeling a tad peeved, he gestured. "Wake up, Asia-san. This is the only time you'll see me like this!"

And thus, Asia Argento sat up.

()()()

That was strange. It had been so cold and comfortable—over there. Death, and the dead. She'd died. She'd known that much.

Now, she was still cold, but sensation had returned to her. Her back was utterly sore. She was—not alive, but not dead either. And then she saw the angel.

She crossed herself slowly. "God have mercy," she murmured. "Unto you I commend my spirit." She lay back down, feeling herself return to the other side.

" _Get up_." The command repeated, Asia sat back up. She blinked. "Issei?"

"All white, Asia," he said smugly. "I was right."

"I guess you were," she mumbled. "Excuse me, though. I feel rather..." She could feel Death grip her again.

()()()

"What is wrong with her?" the angel wondered, as the nun collapsed for the second time. The angel made her feel like she was watching a child playing with a puppet and its strings.

"Leave her alone, Issei-san," Rias ventured. "Or leave her to me."

"Leave?" He whirled, turning to her. "What are you talking about?"

"She's dead," Rias said bluntly. There. Drawing back, the angel seemed to finally understand. She couldn't quite see his expression, but she guessed he was still processing.

"Dead? Damnation! Why do humans have a habit for dying inconveniently?" the angel wondered out loud.

She sighed. With the Sacred Gear in her hands, it was wise to give it to someone able to use it. And the nun was no doubt the only one capable in here, so she had to use an evil Piece. So thinking, she stepped forward to propose reincarnating the nun.

And then the angel said, spreading his scroll. "Rise, Asia-san. You are now a provisional angel. So let it be."

()()()

Upon stamping on the scroll, Asia's body exploded into light. From within, a shrouded figure stood, clad in blinding white robes and bearing wings and a halo.

"That was very sweet of you, Issei-san," said Asia, her voice echoing in the church. "But you know you didn't need to do that."

Issei shrugged. "All part of the job. Mind, it's only because I'm here personally. In any case, do you believe now? White," he repeated, pointing to himself.

"Yes, I believe," said Asia, beaming.

" _That was amazing, angel. You can raise the dead?_ " said Ddraig.

"No," Issei said patiently. "I just promoted her to part-time angel. I may be the angel of death, but even I cannot undo death, at least not without proper clearance."

Behind him, Rias spoke. "What... what did you just do?"

"I dislike having to explain myself again and again, angel," Issei told her. "But to humor you, I promoted the human Asia to a provisional angel. She'll need to stay down here for a while before she can properly Ascend to join one of the Choirs. But Asia," he turned, addressing the newly made angel. "You can get up to Heaven if you wish. Actually, you kind of need to be there for proper registration of your status."

"Does that mean I'll become one of the Lord's angels?" asked Asia.

"Yep. Singing all eternity long and all that... Well, it's not all that bad, they're all such wonderful songs."

"I'm honored, sir. But, how will I get up there? Are you going to help me?" Asia asked.

()()()

Rias felt her shoulders sag from all that happened. What she needed was a warm bath, a spot of tea and a rousing marathon of anime.

"I will be rather busy, Asia-san. Need to clean up a big mess. But..."

She saw the angel's face light up in a smile. And the smile was turned to her. Her insides turned to ice, though she didn't know why.

"As an emergency measure, Rias-san, since you all are right here, I'll have you temporarily promoted to dominions. If I'm reading you right, you're all principalities of sorts, and since you need to move about quickly you'll need proper clearance..."

"Issei wait," said Rias, raising her arms. She could sense Akeno prepping an exit spell behind her. "I'm not an angel. I'm a devil. Look, I'm sorry we lied about the devil thing, but there's just no way you can promote—"

"It's fine, Rias-san. It's only temporary. It's just to guide Asia-san here. I wouldn't want to get into trouble with the Hierarchy Managers over a bunch of promotions."

"Bunch?" Koneko echoed.

"Yes, Koneko-san." The angel stamped on his scroll. "From here on, you angels are now dominions. So shall it be."

"But we're not angels, we're devils-!" she croaked. Feeling an unnatural power wrap itself around her, she turned her head just enough to watch, with growing horror, as her devil wings progressively shrunk until they just became just the size of her back.

Then they sprouted feathers.

She looked at her Peerage, who were also looking at their own transfigured wings in utter disbelief.

"...shall see you again. For now, farewell," Issei was saying.

"Now wait just a damned—" Rias said, but in a flash, the angel had left.

She sagged to her knees, an indescribable emotion welling up from within her.

"Well, Rias-san," said a smiling Asia, flying close. "I leave myself in your care."

Rias uttered a strangled sob.

Then the angel came back.

()()()

"Now that you mention it-"

" _Yep! Go for it, angel. What have ye got to lose?"_

He zoomed back to the church. He looked for Asia's monstrosity, hoping it was still there. It was, and he took it from the candle holder.

" _I'd say go for the angry redhead. She's got nice bonk-_ "

"No, it would perhaps be better to widen the base." So saying, he flew to the group. "I forgot to ask, but do you really not know about the sex?"

No one answered for a long moment. Then Koneko said, "No. And we're not angels. Or we weren't supposed to be."

Issei scratched his head. There was something here he was missing, but he couldn't think on it yet. He nonetheless held out the monstrosity to Koneko. "You seemed to like this, angel. I give this to you, on condition that I may begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex with you."

Silence. Then the redhead, her face twitching shrieked. "You're asking her out on a date? While we're-"

"Rias-san, I wasn't done." He gave her a duplicate of the ice cream. "I shall also invite you to begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex."

He repeated the same invitation to the one named Akeno, and then Kiba. The latter looked at the gift dubiously.

Then, to Asia. "Here you go, Asia-san. Now that you're an angel, pesky human bacteria won't bother you."

"Isn't there there angelic bacteria?"

Issei furrowed his brows. "I'm not sure. Damnation..."

Asia smiled, leaning to take the ice cream. "I shall gladly accept the invitation to begin the quite human ritual of the love and the sex with you."

He tilted his head, dove-like. "Why is your face turning red?" He heard the dragon snickering.

"Eh? Is it?" Asia said, putting a hand to her cheek. She twirled her golden hair. "No, it surely isn't. An angel is supposed to be pure white."

Issei shrugged. "Alright then. I shall see you all later," he told them, before leaving for good.

()()()

"I don't know if I should feel horrified or honored that an angel just asked me out on a date," Akeno said, licking her gift.

"Was that bastard trying to tell me something?" Yuuto growled. His ice cream was now a stain on the church floor.

"You should probably start practicing the Clench," said Koneko dryly. She was already biting into the cone. "And do some stretching on the side..."

"How am I the only one freaking out?" Rias cried, incredulous. "Forget about the romance. That bastard just turned me into a frigging angel!"

"Rias-sama, please eat the ice cream-I find it helps with the stress. S'not as complicated as it seems-we're together in this mess," Akeno said, her voice oddly singsong. She gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh, _shit._ Did I just sing...?"

"You're pretty good, miss," Asia said her cheeks stained with multi-colored cream. "You're like a natural! You'll make a good angel!"

Rias buried her face in her hands.

()()()

"I trust you won't tell the Lord," said Issei. He surveyed the burning city.

" _Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I don't know how to talk to your boss._ "

Issei groaned. "I haven't screwed up like this since the Black Death fiasco. This is going to be a pain to clean. And I wanted to start on the Sex."

" _You're making the right call. You said you saw humans to be beneath you, now you have devi-I mean angels ready to go on a date."_

"Something's still bothering me: Michael said everyone learned the Sex. Yet those angels claim not to know."

" _I think you should talk to this Michael sometime. Perhaps there was something he neglected to tell you._ "

Issei went down to the pile of bodies. He drew out the Scroll. "Does anyone here want to be an angel?" he called out with perfunctory tone.

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, edited by Honore (Merlin).**

 **Shurpuff says: A reader messaged me, concerned about the title "angel of death" given to Issei, given that Samael already exists with that title in the original work. If the work continues, that will be explored later.**

 **Another was concerned about the character Raziel(whom I don't think has properly appeared). Slight spoilers, but the angel's kind of dim, so it might not be his real name, eh? Again, it'll be explored later, if I decide to continue.  
**

 **So it ends, or does it? I'll wait it out.**

 **Thanks for reading, and until next time!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Previously: Enter the angel who desires wisdom of the Sex, a Peerage of Devils, and a flock of Fallen Angels. One night, a Peerage is lost, angels are unFallen, and the angel of death cracks the egg that is the world (and then makes an omelet of it).**

 **That long night continues.**

* * *

Heaven was silent. Everyone had retired for the day, most of the lights turned off to save Power, leaving Michael to watch over the twilight hours. Ordinarily, the angel would have a retinue of others to help police the graveyard shift; but angelic numbers were down, and the few powerful enough to help were Down in Creation, busy with important affairs.

Not like there would be anything to worry about. There were few threats to Creation since the new millennium, and Heaven itself hadn't been a battlefield since the "Great War". If there truly was something that Michael could not handle, then Creation was fucked.

Which was why, during the twilight shift, Michael deigned to patrol every Level and instead withdrew to a small room at the foot of the Throne. Inside, there were plenty of screens stuck against the wall, which extended infinitely above, below and to both sides of Michael. The screens were blank at the moment.

When the angel approached the wall, a golden scroll appeared, unrolling swiftly to become a console-like thing, with ruby buttons and silver-gilded dials. Up on the wall appeared a screen that dwarfed all the rest. Michael sat upon the cushion it conjured, placed a hand upon the console, and fixed its eye on the screen. The giant screen lit up, Heavenly font scrolling up through the display. Michael began interfacing with the System.

A while later, satisfied that All seemed to be in working Order, Michael typed a few commands, switching to an "operating system" separate and utterly inferior to the one before.

" _Welcome to Windows,_ " the screen said. A moment later, a bunch of small pictures appeared on the screen.

The angel sighed, settling deeper into the cushion. Michael placed a hand under the robe. With the other, the angel tapped several buttons. After a pause, images of humans skewering cows and pigs appeared on the screen.

" _...unclean condition of abattoirs and slaughterhouses of that time. The Health Department began instituting laws that would..."_

The door behind the angel opened. The angel immediately leaped to the air with a squawk, feathers spreading around. "Private area! Private area! Priv—oh, hello Gabriel."

The other angel who'd entered flitted close. It had once been the 'Fairest' in all of Heaven, though right now its golden locks looked quite disheveled. "We've got an emergency, Michael. There's—are you _still_ watching that documentary?"

"It's... to remind myself of the human race's butchery."

Gabriel glanced at the screen. On it were black-and-white pictures of livestock hung from hooks. "... of pigs?"

"Yes. Now, was there something...?"

Gabriel's mouth clacked close. "Oh yes. Quite a situation outside. You should see for yourself." Gabriel led the other out to the Halls, then to the angel's surprise, up the golden chutes leading to the old choir Assemblies. They went through a side balcony, flying up to where they could see one Assembly below.

"There," Gabriel said, pointing below.

Michael squinted. "Who are those...?"

There was a long line of angels standing around. Michael didn't recognize them—and it had better memory than most other angels.

"They just appeared out of nowhere," said Gabriel.

Michael gasped, realization coming to him. "Wait—are they fresh?"

"All of them," said Gabriel with a shrug. "They're all confused about what they're doing here, and since it looks like the twilight shift, no one's here to receive them."

"But what happened Down there? How'd we get recruits so fast? Is this _your_ doing Gabriel? Have you been that successful?"

Gabriel rolled its eyes. "If only. I just came back to report on the whole Holy Swords issue, then I found this lot milling around. I don't know why they ended up here at the Assemblies though. Think they're put up to sing?"

Even as that question was asked, both angels frowned. The choirs had fallen out of use over the past centuries, owing to the Great War and the grand Secret. And to be honest, it had become a tedious task for them.(though they would never say it out loud)

"We must wake the rest," Michael said urgently. "These need to be integrated before they become Fallen, or worse."

"Ah... speaking of Fallen, lemme show you the _other_ news." Gabriel led a puzzled Michael to another old Assembly. This time, Michael recognized the angels. Instead of lining up, the lot of them were scattered around, filling up the places meant for angels to sing.

"Somehow, this lot also came back."

Michael spluttered. "Wha—how—the Fallen, but how—but the System?" It looked down at the former Fallen, who unmistakably had white wings and halos, and looked quite confused and angry. Once, during the war, the angels had briefings on _every_ enemy combatant—Devil or Fallen—and so they were hardwired to kill these on sight. Michael could thus remember each of the faces of the Fallen here.

Gabriel crossed its arm. "That's gotten me confused too, since... well, getting this lot back is all well and good, but doesn't this mean...?"

"Only the Lord has the Authority to accept these back," intoned Michael, echoing its unspoken concern. And was not the Lord currently... indisposed?

Unable to deny a growing foreboding, Michael flew back to the private room. It switched over to the superior OS, then re-typed the same sequence of keys it'd just done.

The angel stared open-mouthed upon seeing the results.

A list of systems, which had all displayed the stale yellow " **Standby** " before, now read a pleasant green " **Active** ". Internal Systems, Intake, Defense Systems, even the Choral Assemblies were lit up and active.

"Michael, there's been more and more angels coming in," said Gabriel, peeking in through the door.

"I saw that. The counter's been steadily increasing." Michael looked very worried.

"Praise the Lord: for Heaven wakes to its command."

As if to emphasize that fact, all the previously dimmed lights went full blaze, and Heaven rose to full glory around them. The two Seraphs couldn't help but blink at the sight.

All else that was needed were singing choirs of angels.

Right on cue, the PA system (pleasant green **Active** ) dinged. A familiar message, unheard for centuries, resounded through Paradise: _"To all angels, please report to your Assemblies for the daily adulation._ "

Gabriel groaned. "Damnation. Why did I have to come back _now_? Duh, Gabe, the report could have waited. But nooo, you had to be a good little angel and come back to _sing._ "

"If you want to, you could work on integrating the new angels," Michael said.

From the way its face blanched, the suggestion was certainly not a good one. "Trading tedium for another. _Christ_ , I should've gone with Azazel."

Michael started. "Surely you don't mean that?"

"Of course not," replied Gabriel, though there was still acid on its fair expression.

From behind them, the angels who were supposed to be resting this shift emerged, unhappy and uncertain. The closest flew to them, demanding, "Has the Lord finally spoken?", or "Are we _seriously_ gonna sing?" or "I don't remember my place, which Assembly am I in again?" They flew around them aimlessly, like an utterly disoriented flock of birds.

"You heard Him," said Michael, asserting a semblance of order. "Off to your places. Just pick a new place at the Assembly if you've forgot. And please don't mind the angels already there."

The angels all scattered, quick as light. Michael looked around, sighing when it couldn't sense Gabriel anywhere.

It went back to the System, determined to find out what in all the Heavens had happened to Heaven. Or tried to. The door to the secret side room was now closed and locked firmly.

The Friendly Helper system(again, another green " **Active** ") chose that moment to speak right in Michael's ear: " _A reminder that all angels are to report to their Assemblies for the adulation. Until the adulation are done, no angels are allowed to be out of their proper place in Heaven."_

Resigned to the announcement, it returned to its place. It remembered its place, at least. It found that Gabriel was also there, looking very much displeased.

Michael smiled apologetically. "Gate got locked?"

Gabriel scowled, but said nothing.

The PA system buzzed. " _Seraph Gabriel, please report to the Receiving Area 9B. There are –nine thousand- Ascendants ready for acceptance. You are excused from the Adulation._ "

Reluctant to stand within five feet of an irate Seraph, Michael flew off, pretending to review its hymn. It hadn't sung in centuries.

Nonetheless, it could hear Gabriel's parting blasphemy ring through all of Heaven. "God. Damn it! When I get my hands on whoever's responsible—"

()()()

"No, I'm afraid I am not familiar with that place," said Issei, a little testily.

"A shame. That was the truth promised to me," said the smelly old man.

"Well, it's either you come up to Paradise or you stay down here for a while." He shrugged. "Is there anything else I can do for you before I send you back?"

"Yes... I am feeling quite peckish, angel sir. Might you have brains with you?" asked the limbless old man.

"I don't have any to spare, sorry," Issei said, rolling his eyes. Most every person he asked seemed to want brains after refusing to be angels. Maybe they were compensating for their lack of brainpower while living—most humans were painfully thick.

"A shame," the rotting old man repeated.

"Off with you then," said Issei, stamping on the scroll. The old man fell back into a meaty lump.

Issei sighed, massaging his forehead. After a moment, he flew to the next person.

()()()

Sona Sitri turned page after page on the old, dusty tome, which smelled of sulfur and rotting flesh. "Here it is," she said, adjusting her glasses. "'... _and thus our old com—_ I think this means 'contract'— _contract with the fools of Heaven are shed..._ blah blah blah hate rhetoric, going through with the Declaration of Defiance, severing the ties with the angelic choirs, here we go... _we shall also reject the forms the Tyrant grants us; in this Nation we shall forge new forms, forms more fitting than that of the Host: bodies of steel and anger, wings of insects and the featherless winged dinosaurs, of the fliers in the—_ well basically that's where we Devils got our inspiration from... wings derived from Creation below, the twisted forms of beasts that never were... Wow, learn something new every day..." she cleared her throat and closed the tome.

Across the desk, Rias Gremory, her gaze fixed on the surface of her cooling mug of tea, croaked, "That was as informative as learning that ' _as one, we are all His creations_ ', but I thank you for trying. Was there anything more...?" She sat silent and sullen, like a wilted rose.

Sona shook her head, putting the tome away. "I'm afraid that was the last I was able to scrounge up, with my privileges. I wanted to ask my sister, but as you are very aware—"

"Yes, I'm perfectly aware," Rias interjected in a low, murderous voice.

"—things are very much in chaos at Hell. Not an uproar like that since the Rating Games scandal a few decades back. Have you talked to your family? Perhaps Sirzechs could offer more input on the matter."

"Not yet," said Rias.

Sona summoned a piece of paper, which had appeared on her side of the desk via magic circle. She glanced at it, then said, "This fulfills my second request." She slid the paper over to Rias' side.

Rias did not need to pick up the paper to read what it said in large print. She threw the paper over her shoulder, where Kiba Yuuto caught it. Gremory's former Peerage frowned after seeing what was written. Rias laid her a hand on the table, her jaw trembling.

"I suggest you keep calm."

"I am calm," Rias replied through clenched teeth.

"It's not the end of the world, you know," Sona said. She sipped her tea. "Once this mess is sorted out, a petition to reinstate your Peerage can easily be done. I can ask my sister to sponsor you."

Rias' face thunked down on the table. After a tense silence, she lifted her head, and her expression was now sweeter than sin.

"Sona?"

"Yes?"

"I have a question."

Sona stirred, tilting her head. "If it's for another request..."

"No, just some questions." After Sona nodded graciously for her to continue, Rias said, voice full of cheer and sugar, "I hope you don't mind me asking—but why is there a shower stall in your clubroom?"

Sona jolted, eyes darting in panic behind her, before she schooled her expression and shrugged. "It's—well it's—just, well, a little perk for the student council—" As if following some silent cue, a fresh looking Genshirou Saji emerged from within, towel draped over bare shoulders.

"Haah~ Tha' was nice... Cleansing complete, prez!"

"As you value your life, shut up please, Saji," Sona said, without looking back.

The boy turned and caught sight of Rias and her Peerage. He flinched. "Wha—oh, sorry about that, guys. I was just fresh off cleansing my angelic impurities—"

"Saji." The boy yelped and disappeared behind a curtain—

"Why..." Rias asked next, pressing her hands together tightly. "Do my eyes spy a quick teleport sigil over there?"

"It was..." For a moment, Sona hesitated, before her eyes lit up. "It was necessary to facilitate your request."

Saji's head peeked around the curtain. "It's also useful for getting supplies fast, like the headph—"

"Saji," Sona said quietly. Saji disappered with a bleated "Right-o". She watched, apprehensive, as Rias stood from her seat, wearing a smile for which seventy percent of the men in this school would pay a fortune.

"And why are your subordinates," she gestured to the other student council members seated behind Sona, "Wearing those?"

Every person in Sona's Peerage wore, as she'd mandated, thick noise-cancelling headphones, heavy black blindfolds and a Devil-made apparatus that looked like a gas-mask (which was actually a gas mask). Effectively, most of their senses were blocked off from the rest of the world.

This time, Sona could think of nothing to say. Then Saji poked his head out of the curtain, the blinds placed haphazardly over his forehead. "Rias-sama, have you not heard of the three wise monkeys? It goes, 'See no evil—"

"Saji!" Sona snapped, rising to her feet. At that exact moment, Rias all but snarled, hurling herself forward to smash her palm over the table. Her hand was stopped in midair, and it crackled against something unseen between her and Sona. Rias pushed her hand forward, making cracks appear on thin air.

"And why—" asked Rias through gritted teeth, "—did you set up a barrier against me?" The angel wings appeared from behind Rias, and a burst of energy surged through her advancing arm.

Sona Sitri pushed back, reinforcing the barrier with her own magic. "It's—nothing—personal-Saji, get the rest to the portal! Now!"

"Yes ma'am!" Behind her, Saji began tossing the rest of her Peerage through the teleport sigil.

"Please stop, Rias-sama!" Akeno cried. The others in Rias' peerage tried to restrain her.

"Calm. Yourself. Gremory." Sona's arms were already vibrating from the strain. The cracks had spread, widening to reach the ceiling. "See? You still have this incredible power! Though you've got those wings, in essence, you're still a Devil! You're still a Gremory, despite what that paper says! Rias, be reasonable!"

"I _am_ reasonable, Sona!" Rias cried. "I am reasonably sure that I—will—" She paused, turning her gaze from Sona's. She'd caught sight of the angelic wings at the periphery of her vision. The sight did not enrage her further; rather, she felt like an eager vacuum had sucked out the fight from her.

She sighed, her taut form deflating. She released the assaulting energy from her control, which burst out in a cloud of ruby. She retracted her arm from the cracked barrier slowly.

"Rias..."

"Rias-sama..." Her ex-Peerage went forward to support her.

Rias hung her head. At a quick glance from Akeno to Sona, the latter nodded and followed her own Peerage through the teleportation circle. Rias' peerage was left alone in the student council room.

Rias Gremory sank into the chair. Her thoughts were frozen and scattered.

"You can leave," she said hoarsely, after a while. She didn't look up. "You saw what that paper said, right? You're no longer part of my Peerage. _I'm_ no longer in charge. I won't restrain you, now that you're free. You can do what you want."

Akeno placed a hand on her shoulder. "Rias-sama, come heavenly purge or hellish deluge, we are with you. Should the stars die out and the Void swallow everything, should oblivion guide us all to the Final rest, we are with you."

"Forever and always," said Koneko.

"No scrap of paper can say otherwise," said Yuuto.

Rias closed her eyes. "Fine words, you three. But I thank you." She wasn't sure if they would hold on to that view for long.

"It's kind of surprising that vamp boy's the head of the Peerage now," Koneko said snidely. "It'd make for a nice surprise when he wakes."

"I doubt Gaspar'd abandon Rias-sama—" she heard Kiba reply.

"Come, Rias-sama," said Akeno. "Let us return to the clubroom. I really think it's better to talk to your family about this. As Sona said, they may know the solution."

"I've disappointed them," she said dully. An image of a human face drenched in a pool of blood came into her mind. Fury seized her again. "And all because of that stupid ass—"

()()()

"—hoooly crap, you sure ask a ton of questions, angel sir," said the angel-elect. She smiled. "Is that what heaven is like? Just a bunch of virgin nerds flying around? I think I might like it there."

Issei, notepad in hand, said, "No, unfortunately I'm the only one who doesn't know the Sex." He looked at the newly minted angel. "I think that's everything, angel. There's only one or two things you've told me that I hadn't known yet. You're free to report to Heaven now."

"Are you not going to try out the techniques I told you?" the angel said, looking at him with an impishness that surely shouldn't belong to a being of established holiness.

"I'm rather busy tonight," said Issei, declining the offer absent-mindedly. "Plenty of things to be... and I still have school tomorrow of course, can't miss that..."

"Oh, I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun in 'Heaven'! Bring on the lovin'!" The angel dissolved into wispy light. Issei put the notepad away, mood lightening for the first time since he'd began working. Perhaps there would be other agreeable angel-elects later.

" _Och, that was a fine chance, angel! A fresh angel, willingly throwing herself at ye! Such sweet songs you coulda' sung!"_

"Did you not hear, dragon?" Issei said patiently. "My work here is not yet done." He unfurled the Scroll, his gavel ready to judge the next candidate. "And I have already promised Rias she'd go first."

* * *

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, proofread by Honore**

 **Shurpuff says: Comments, impressions, etc. appreciated.  
**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Previously: Enter the angel who desires wisdom of the Sex, a Peerage of Devils, and a flock of Fallen Angels. One night, a Peerage is lost, angels are unFallen, and the angel of death cracks the egg that is the world (and then makes an omelette of it).**

 **That long night (still) continues.**

* * *

As they herded her back to the clubroom, Rias kept on cursing, the language steadily growing harsher and unintelligible even to Akeno. It was all they could do to keep her from destroying the school: one, it would alienate Sona Sitri, who had been most accommodating in this trying time, and two, she was not sure they could fix the damage, now that they were angels.

Asia Argento, who could be said to be the cause of the chaos, waited for them inside the occult club room. Akeno was sent to distract her by taking her outside, to keep her off of Rias' vicinity and prevent further blow-ups.

They could sense almost the same resentment about his situation from Kiba Yuuto, though the lad was doing an admirable job of putting Rias' needs first. His "brooding", however, could not be denied, and when Akeno left with the blonde, he too excused himself, leaving Koneko and Rias alone.

Koneko was a sensible ex-Devil, and saw to Rias' needs quickly: fresh tea, some towels, a little pop music from the music player—a collection of "the best" anime ending songs handpicked by the Gremory.

Being the least disturbed by the change from Devil to Angel, Koneko settled herself at a nearby corner of the room, keeping Rias and the door in sight while she cradled a hot mug of tea.

Her ex-master's mood was still languid, lightly sprinkled with a smattering of anger. Koneko carefully unfolded the piece of paper that had pushed Rias over the edge.

It was an official document from the Rating Game authorities, requested by Sona Sitri, detailing the current status of Rias Gremory's Peerage. According to the paper, she, Rias and the other two had been " _eliminated from the Legions of Hell_ ", as if they had died, leaving the sole membership _and_ ownership of the Peerage to Gaspar Vladi.

Even more depressing: being a reincarnated "impure" Devil, the system had left the unaware vampire with no Evil Pieces to use. Apparently, their "deaths" had also destroyed whatever Pieces they'd been worth, which thus left Vladi with no way to add to the Peerage.

It was a hellish catch-22, and Koneko was sure Rias had already thought along the same lines.

Suddenly, a magic circle appeared on the floor. Rias lifted her head and Koneko tensed. While she recognized the circle as distinctly Devil in design, it did not mean whoever was coming through was friendly. Koneko peered intently at the circle, trying to see—

"Riser," said Rias, spitting the name like a curse.

It definitely wasn't friendly.

The Devil was tall and lean, like an overconfident scarecrow given life, and had pleasing facial features designed to be wholesome and attractive; yet combined with the suave, devil-may-care manner and its thin grin that belonged to a gallery of unrepentant rapists, turned his face into something one wanted to punch.

"I bid you a good day, my poor, blighted Rias. It is with sorrow that I come here from Hell, commanded by the most August Satans to bring tidings of both fortunate and unfortunate kind," he ended his sentence with a complicated series of bows and gestures. He glanced briefly at Koneko, before putting all his attention on Rias.

Both stared at him like like he was a dog nibbling its own shit.

"It would be better to begin with the bad, I think," Riser continued, unaware or ignoring their less than welcome attention, "The Old Satan Faction has revealed the abrupt mobilization of Heaven to everyone in the Underworld, causing much unfortunate stress and debate among us Devils. After all, we do not want another War, but we do want to retain our much-fought sovereignty from Heaven."

"And where do _you_ stand, Phoenix?" Rias said coldly.

" _Our_ family have long enjoyed the alliance with the Baels, and by extension our own Great Satans, who of course oppose the Old Satans. I am sure Father will be content to follow their lead."

"A diplomatic answer."

"If we are talking of ideologies," said Riser, scoffing, "Then I would still hold against the Old Satans. If they had their way, the Rating Games would be abolished, and that's just not fun." He clapped his hands, his smile turning down into a comical frown. "On to the second part of the bad news. It is with regret and it further pains me to announce the annulment of our betrothal, dear Rias."

"Wonderful," Rias said, smiling for the first time since he'd appeared.

Somehow mistaking her tone for disappointment, Riser said, "It is not as if I didn't object, Rias dear. But this..." he shook his wrists ruefully. " _Illness_ of yours has somehow made you a nonentity in Hell, as if you were no longer its citizen. I believe it is a mistake, but before it's sorted out, my family believed it best to unburden you with talk of marriage."

"Aww, Riser, you're all heart and no brains," said Rias, and Koneko could sense the serpent flexing its fangs within her leader's demeanor.

He bowed. "Anything for you, m'dear."

"Don't come closer," said Rias. Riser froze where he stood. He had been just about to head around the table to her. "Didn't you have _good_ tidings? Don't keep me in suspense."

"Oh, of course. Forgive me." Riser licked his lips. "I have been asked by the Lord Gremory to inform you that you are free to return to Hell whenever you wish, and that there will be some things to explain to you there."

Koneko felt that was the only good thing that had come out from Riser's mouth since he'd come. Looking at the expression on Rias' face, she knew her ex-master felt the same.

"I speak with the greatest confidence that no outward change would ever change the flower you are inside, m'dear. You are still beloved by the people there as before," he grinned, effecting a salaciousness to his expression, "And _you_ remain ever precious to me."

Rias' reply was dry as a desert. "Right. Was that all to your message, Phoenix?"

"You're...welcome?" A frown creased Riser's face as Rias forced the moment to mutate into a long silence. Rias waited with beaming face, like a master waiting magnanimously for the dumb servant to take the hint and leave.

It took a few moments more for the dumb Devil to realize. His face morphed into true form, a true rapist's leer.

"... I shall see myself out then, m'dear. I hope that by the next time we meet, you'll be in better spirits." Koneko almost tensed when he let his wings appear, thinking he'd attack. Then she understood. He was less a phoenix, and more peacock by the way he just preened. "I dearly wish your condition isn't _permanent_ , Rias dear. I couldn't _bear_ to think of the once proud Gremory reduced to a weak, puny angel. After all, you're better than that. I'd like to think I poured my love into a stronger female."

Though she couldn't possibly hear, something definitely snapped inside Rias. They watched Riser practically strut back to the magic circle, his blazing wings in full display.

"See you in Hell, m'dear."

Her ex-master began to move as soon as Riser was fully engulfed in the glow. Koneko wasn't well-versed in rune-lore, but she did know there was a sign on the circle one could press upon to delay the transportation progress.

"What are you doing, Gremory?"

Riser's exit had slowed to a descending crawl. He looked like a person sinking through quicksand.

"Koneko, keep your foot here!" The latter dutifully stepped on the rune Rias indicated, while Rias went on to plant her foot squarely on Riser's face. Bound by the precautions on the circle, he could not retaliate.

"This. Is. For. Being. A Godforsaken. Asshole." Each word was punctuated by a determined stomp and Phoenix's outraged howls. "Koneko, get me a chair!" When the chair was in her hands, the ex-Devil began walloping Riser with it. Something crunched loudly on the latter's face.

His voice, now muffled by the broken nose, cried. "Are you crazy, bitch—bwuhuhhh!"

Rias dropped the chair and switched to the other foot. "I admit I'm glad you came, Riser. It allows me to do this. I can't tell you how long I've wanted to bash your stupid face in."

Riser had sunk to shoulder-level through the circle. "Stop—or—you'll regret—"

"Koneko?" At her command, Koneko released the seal.

Rias stomped one final time, Riser saying, "You'll pay for this, you—" before he disappeared in a flash of purple light. The magic circle faded a second after.

Rias exhaled. She turned to Koneko, her face exultant. "That felt good. I'm feeling better now."

"Isn't that kind of magic dangerous to tamper with? Is he going to die?"

Rias snorted. "One can hope. Worst that can happen is the spell malfunctioning and him ending up somewhere else. But it's designed too well for it to kill him. Which is such a shame."

"What will you be doing now, Rias-sama?"

Rias seemed to think on that, before saying, "I am going to go home. I need this mess sorted out." She waved a lazy hand. "Could you call the rest back for me? Have Akeno drop the nun off somewhere, I don't know, somewhere far, with lots of ice cream. She loves ice cream right? Get her to... well, like Disneyland or something."

"But she's still an angel, Rias-sama. And kind of visible."

"Then they're gonna love her there. At this point I don't really care about keeping secrets."

A moment later, while Rias was busy packing up her things, Koneko said, "I can't contact her, Rias-sama. And Kiba's saying an angel just up and took them away."

"...What?"

()()()

"Yes, Rias-sama. I saw it with mine own eyes," said Yuuto, staring at the spot where Akeno and the nun had been spirited away. He looked at the night-time security guards reporting to their superiors, pointing and gesturing wildly at the same spot. "So did a bunch of normal people."

()()()

While Riser had been busy prancing like a twit in the Occult Research Clubroom, Akeno had just been about to finish a debate on theology with the nun.

In essence, it was more their wondering on the physiology of angels, as Akeno had revealed to a very understanding Asia that she was a half-angel, Reincarnated as Devil, before somehow becoming a pure angel.

Akeno was skeptical, raising questions about the nature of Heaven and Hell, while Asia ascribed to the infinite wisdom of the Creator and His works.

Then the apparition appeared.

A bright halo of light erupted in front of them. There, framed by the circle, was an angelic face, who looked quite displeased for some reason. It had fair, feminine features, with golden hair and a face glowing like a light-bulb.

" _Alright you stragglers. I've had just about enough of this stupid, braindead job without you latecomers mucking it up."_

"I bid you greetings, sir angel," said Asia brightly, while Akeno stood agape.

 _"Shut up, please. Now look, if you can't be bothered to head up here yourself, then guess what it's 'Beam me up, Scotty' for you. I expect you to report promptly to your correct lines. And no starting any orgies, you hear? I don't know what you humans are huffing nowadays, but angels butt-pounding angels is a no-no. That's the one way ticket to Fallen town, and it just means a lot more paperwork for yours truly."_

Even Asia now looked perplexed by what the angel had said. Perhaps she had been more used to angels saying Hallelujas. Then again, Issei Hyoudou had been an angel too.

 _"Alright, hold on to your halos. Commencing Ascension protocols._ " The apparition disappeared, and after being surrounded by a thick cloud of light, so did a bewildered Akeno and Asia.

()()()

"...And that's what I heard, and then a moment later, they were gone," Yuuto said. Then a bright light engulfed him, making him flinch. Uncovering his eyes, he saw both Akeno and the nun standing beside him, looking none the worse for wear.

"...But apparently they're back."

" _Eh?_ " said Rias on the phone. Yuuto went over to the two.

"You're safe, Akeno," he exclaimed. Both of them had perplexed looks on their faces. "What happened?"

Akeno put a finger to the wrinkle on her forehead. "I'm not really sure~ After we were pulled into the light—"

()()()

They stood, bewildered, in a place normally conjured in Renaissance art. Clouds everywhere, golden light streaming from an unseen source, the scent of precious incense in the air.

The nun squealed beside her. Akeno, on the other hand, tensed as if for battle.

There came a booming voice from overhead. " _ **Alert. Receiving Area—9B—is at full capacity. Please direct all incoming traffic to the next Receiving Area. Alert. Receiving Area...**_ **"**

" _What? Oh come on... Jesus... Wait, why the heck can't I send them to the next Area?_ " came a familiar voice, though they couldn't see where it came from. It took a second to place it as belonging to the one who'd talked to them through the halo of light.

"... _Because we requisitioned the other Areas as staging grounds for assaults during the War_ ," came a different voice.

" _Finally! Are you all done with the adulation?_ "

" _Yes, it was quite harrowing, I can assure you._ "

" _Not as much as managing all this by myself... Anyway, where do we put excess candidates?_ "

" _We haven't gotten around repurposing other receiving areas because our Intake wasn't that good since the War_."

" _If you're telling me I have to organize all these birds..._ "

" _We might have to_."

" _Jesus Chr_ —"

" _But_ you _won't have to, Gabriel. Now with the adulation over, we can assign other angels to the job._ "

" _Oh... thank Goood_."

" _You'll have to send these back. We can get them up here again after the Area's been cleared up more—_ "

()()()

"—and after the first Voice told us to brace ourselves, we found ourselves back here." Akeno, Asia and Yuuto were back in the occult club room.

"Do you think we would be called in the same manner, Rias-sama?" Koneko asked.

Rias sighed, despondent. "I honestly don't know. It appears my enchantments around the clubroom are still in effect, which basically hides whoever's in it from the eyes of potential enemies, like Fallen or angels."

"I'm not sure it's that effective... remember that Sona put a lot of protections over the school and yet that Voice was able to get us," Akeno pointed out.

The ex-Devil leaned back, rubbing her aching forehead. "This is such a mess. And Sona probably won't be back soon... Well, in the meantime, we'll stand by inside this room. I'll contact Sona about the situation when she comes back." They then proceeded to discuss the different ways to get back to the student council room from here. It was important because the travel sigil to Hell was still there.

"I might be wrong in saying this, but..." Asia said, "Why do we need to hide? We are all angels here, are we not?" She looked around.

"No, girl," said Rias, quelling Yuuto's indignation with a look. " _We_ are devils. And it's all because we tried to save you from those Fallen that we ended up in this situation." Mentioning the fact was callous, she knew, but it wasn't the worst thing she'd done in her life.

"I'm sorry," said Asia, her face turning sorrowful. After a few moments, her expression lightened, and she snapped her fingers. "But I'm betting we can get Issei-san to fix you."

"That birdbrain?" wondered Koneko.

"It's worth a shot, don't you think?" said Asia, eagerly.

"But Issei Hyoudou's..." Yuuto shared a look with the other ex-Devils. "...he'll probably not be able to get the... what do you call it... the hint."

"Issei-san's a wonderful angel!" Asia protested.

"Indeed, he's so wonderful he can reduce me to tears," said Rias.

"I agree!" chirped Asia, Rias' frank sarcasm somersaulting right over her head. "You can just leave it to Issei-san!"

()()()

"For the record," Shemhazai said uncomfortably. "I still think it's a bad idea."

Azazel looked up from his work, then flew backward to where he kept his recordings. "Funny," the Governor-General of the Fallen said, "That's exactly what I said before... Can't believe I still remember it..." He found the scroll-like device, and turned it on.

A scratchy, static-laden recording came on. _"What's the matter guys?"_ said a voice just like Shemhazai's. " _Don't you want to know all about this Sex hogwash?_ "

" _I still think it's a bad idea,"_ said recording-Azazel. Present day Azazel turned off the recorder.

"And the rest is History," Azazel pronounced, shaking his head.

"That is all past, Azazel," said Shemhazai, though he looked a little sheepish. "And, may I point out, this is why I'm following your lead for the moment, instead of the other way around."

"Baraqiel, was that a threat? Did this guy just threaten to take over my position?" said Azazel, grinning at the other Fallen in the room.

"...No," replied Baraqiel. "Respectfully, Azazel, we are getting off the intended topic."

"Quite right," said Shemhazai, harrumphing. "I shall reiterate that this ill-advised assault by Kokabiel will surely lead to renewed hostilities with Heaven. You should not have let Kokabiel go."

"So you don't hold with his version of events?" asked Azazel, his expression unreadable. Kokabiel claimed, as did some like-minded Fallen, that the brazen appearance of one angel and the forced re-Ascension of their kind was a prelude to yet another Great War. Some, like Kokabiel, relished in the fact, despite Azazel's continued insistence on peace.

"Of course I don't. Unlike the others, I _remember._ Don't _you_ remember who that particular angel is?" pressed Shemhazai. "We're not as many as we once were, Azazel. Letting Kokabiel take them was a mistake."

After a moment, Azazel chuckled. "Of course I remember _that_ one. Do you think me a lesser angel? It's why I only let those too far gone in Kokabiel's plots follow him."

Shemhazai's eyes widened. "You do remember? Then why did you...?"

Azazel shrugged. "Maybe it can get that warmongering brute of a Fallen knocked down a few pegs. Maybe even get him conscripted right back to sing Hallelujas in the Heavenly choirs. Won't that be a sight! But Kokabiel's kind of smart, so I'd imagine he'd flee when he realizes... Might just come right back crawling to our feet."

Shemhazai sighed, though it wasn't an exasperated one. Of the three, only Baraqiel still looked confused.

"My pardons," he said in his deep voice, "But what exactly is going to happen? Who is that angel, Azazel?"

In response, Azazel summoned a viewing device, like a human TV, to him. It was one of the angel's many inventions. Azazel turned it on, and it showed the view of a burning city, where they could spy the angel floating above a house.

"That, Baraqiel," said Azazel. "Is no ordinary angel."

"Oh dear Lord," said Shemhazai. He pointed frantically at the screen, where the angel was now looking through a window. "Is he...?"

()()()

"But I still can't see anything."

" _Crane yer head a little bit to the left."_

Angel-turned-voyeur Issei did as he was told, gaining a new angle while he stared through the window. He frowned. "It's all a mass of human flesh. I can't tell where one human starts. They're all just undulating like storm clouds."

" _Prob'ly because the guy's a walrus of a human,"_ the dragon ventured. " _But they do seem enthusiastic, don't they?"_

"I already know Sex can be exciting," said Issei. After some more moments observing, he shook his head, and flew up to the rooftop of the house. "This is useless. I didn't learn anything new."

 _"But they were just getting to the good part!"_ the dragon said, groaning.

"I do appreciate your teaching me, dragon, but I still have to get back to Japan. There's a thousand more humans to process... and it's already midnight."

* * *

 **AN: drafted by Shurpuff, proofread by Honore**

 **Shurpuff says: Another long chapter cut, second part to come soon. Comments, impressions, etc. are welcome.  
**

 **Right now, I may need some recommendations. I'm about to add several OCs important to the story flow, but then I realized that crossing over with another series would also work. I've scoured the Web looking for a good match for High School DxD-specifically setting, theme or essential premise (i.e. harem)-and could find no definite series. Specifically, I'm looking for one with an underdog lead, sort of like a Charlie Brown of sorts, though even an Issei-like character is good. My uncle has recommended several of his favorite visual novels, but I don't believe everyone reading would be familiar with those (especially since they're all untranslated at the moment).  
**

 **Two series I considered tentatively before discarding were:**

 **1\. The _Mahouka_ series - too many terminologies at first glance, characters just don't mesh well with what I've written here**

 **2\. The _Index_ series - initially felt to be good, but looking it up again reveals the series has ballooned since I last followed it; which, as above, means a lot more story elements to consider (and I just don't have time to catch up)**

 **If I can get a good recommendation that _clicks_ before I get around to introducing the OCs, I'll use that series. They shall appear in a separate fiction, sort of a substory using that other series. Otherwise, it's OCs ahoy. Reviews and/or PMs welcome.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Shurpuff says: Note that this is a long chapter, despite being a part two. It is itself split over two chapters. Enjoy!**

 **Previously: Enter the angel who desires wisdom of the Sex, a Peerage of Devils, and a flock of Fallen Angels. One night, a Peerage is lost, angels are unFallen, and the angel of death cracks the egg that is the world (and then makes an omelette of it).**

 **It is already midnight, but dawn is still far off.**

 **Part 1**

()()()

Issei flew, mindful of the next part of his task. It was utterly banal work, but he had to do it because it was his sword that had killed all those humans.

Angels had no notion of responsibility (that he was aware of) but he nonetheless felt obligated to clean up his mess. It just seemed like something the Lord would command him to do.

Still, it sucked that he was using up precious vacation hours cleaning up all the death and devastation. The last time he'd had to do this, the continents weren't in their current positions, and giants had roamed alongside puny cavemen.

"Oof." His head slammed into something. He blinked, his wings ruffled. "What in the-?" Nothing obstructed him. The sky was clear.

He flew forward. _Bump._ His head throbbed from the pain. He retreated, then flew faster. _Bonk._ It hurt more now. He flew back a few miles, then rocketed forward, Issei mach-2.

 _Bang!_

 _"Looks like a barrier,_ " the dragon observed, while a dazed Issei worked to right his descent.

"Oh, is what this is?" said Issei, touching his throbbing head gingerly. He tested his hand on the invisible stuff that impeded his progress, like an unseen wall. "I wonder what's going on?"

()()()

They could not believe their luck. Most were even relaxing; the Fallen angel commanding them had seemed to imply that this angel was dangerous, a fact negated now by their personally seeing it flounder above the expertly placed containment field like a bird in a cage.

The stray devils making the Triangle Formation that kept the field up all signaled the okay, and so word of the angel's capture was sent to the higher-ups: devil grunt to Fallen lieutenant up to Fallen general, up to Lord Kokabiel himself, who was encamped a hundred miles from the location.

While the subordinate devils rejoiced in an easy hunt, the most August Lord Kokabiel, Black of Heart, and Warmaster of the Fallen Host, was seized with doubt.

Surely the fools of Heaven were planning something behind this maneuver. He would not put it past that Michael to engineer a ruse in letting the obvious pawn be so easily captured, while his forces waited, unseen, a deadly trap ready to spring.

()()()

"Michael, milord Michael!" the angel cried, banging on the door. "We need assistance!"

"Leave it alone," said another angel. "Michael is no doubt busy checking Heaven's systems for any abnormality." The angel motioned for the other to follow. "That is what we shall tell Gabriel."

Inside the secret room at the foot of the Throne, Michael put away the vibrating rod, its grayish wings slowly turning back to golden white. It sighed with great relief.

()()()

In light of the situation as well as the sore memory of losing so many battles to that worthy warrior of Heaven, Lord Kokabiel commanded the Devils abide, to wait for further action from Heaven (or Hell).

()()()

"Rias-sama, it's a call from Sona Sitri."

Rias Gremory stirred. She all but snatched the phone from Yuuto's hand.

"Sona, we have a situation—"

" _As do we at the moment, Rias."_ came the crisp reply. " _Please don't interrupt. This is very important for you to know."_

Rias stiffened in her seat, sensing Sona's urgent tone. "...Did something happen?"

Sona sighed. " _Those upheavals we were talking about? We just made a brand new mountain from it."_

()()()

The hall leading to the council room was filled with Devils. Sona could feel the taut atmosphere hiding behind false cheer and practiced arrogance. It was an even greater testament to their burgeoning apprehension that most did not wear their masks or altered forms.

Devils who did not clad themselves in their magicked pretension were either hard at work, or had something truly troubling on their minds. The latter case was more likely, given the nature of their gathering at the Hall of the Great Satans.

Less than an hour ago she'd been summoned here by her sister, who had also urged her to hide her Peerage in the Sitri manse. Serafall had not given a reason, but the way she'd said it made Sona agree without hesitation. When Serafall Leviathan spoke without an aura of cheer and sparkles, you listened.

Sona did not join in the gossiping and speculating, not that most of the Devils assembled would listen to her without her donning some formidable costume. She did not have to wait long in silence, as the great doors leading to the Council room opened with reverberating creaks.

A hiss of displeasure spread through the crowds. The first ones who'd come out were Devils from the Old Satan Faction, who'd time and again spoken against the Rating Games. Though it was the present fashion not to lash out at other Devils outside of Rating Games, the appearance of the hated faction caused a lot of the gathered Devils to brace as if for battle.

Thankfully, the tension was dispelled by the easy appearance of the Four Great Satans, who were not chasing at the Old Satans' heels with whips of flame. Her sister was clad in a splendid cerise ball gown, Sirzechs in sombre black having a fierce conversation with lord Beelzebub who wore a teal coat. Lord Asmodeus brought up the rear, yawning.

The Devils near the door soon converged upon the four, asking questions. It neatly masked the exit of one other Devil whom Sona didn't recognize. Then her view of him was swallowed up by the crowd.

Her smiling sister pushed past the inquisitive crowd, deftly fending off questions with a smile. She grabbed Sona's elbow and led her to an exiting magic circle, which they used to leave the Hall.

Her sister exhaled a long, drawn-out sigh once they were inside the Sitri estates. "All this heavy politicking is soooo dumb, Sona-chan~~"

"What were the Old Satans doing there?" asked Sona.

"They were invited by that guy who came up behind us. He's the son of Lucifer or something. Pretty arrogant guy, but he's got the power to go with the balls."

"The son of...? Do you mean he was Rizevim Lucifer? Why is he here now? Why ever did he invite the Old Satans?" The Devil was a fixture in the histories; who'd disappeared in the aftermath of the Great War. Many speculated that he, like the Old Satan Faction, disliked the Rating System.

"Because apparently your friend the Gremory's crisis isn't just something that affects her. Apparently, Hell and all us Devils are in jeopardy as well," said Serafall, and this time there was no sparkle in her eyes when she rolled them. "I don't know why that means a reconciliation with those anti-Rating diehards though. I'd have personally loved to eviscerate them to bits."

"Wait, what kind of crisis are you talking about? I only understand that what happened to Rias was only a freak happenstance."

"Her brother said that too, and that was the story the four of us agreed upon, but then that Rizevim just had to put a new spin on things. Give it an hour, and his version of the story will have spread throughout all of Hell." Serafall tapped her chin, her gaze focusing on something far. "Sona-chan, are you well-read in the lore of our origins? Of the start of Hell?"

Sona tilted her head. "A little. I did some reading a long while back." And she read a bit from when she did Rias' recent request.

Serafall winked. "And?"

Sona crossed her arms. "We emerged from the nameless Abyss below, forming innumerable legions to challenge the Light of Heaven."

Serafall made a sound like a beeping siren. She tapped a finger on Sona's nose, causing the latter to flinch. "Bebeep. Wrong-o, Sona-chan. You'll have to read up more on your histories."

"It'd help if you could just tell me, sister," Sona said, annoyed.

"Sister's going to be busy from now on, Sona-chan," said Serafall. She raised her arms up to stretch. "Of course, Sirzechs and all of us will do our best to hold it off, but if we can't," her sister's voice went to a whisper. "I'm afraid we'll be having another War."

Sona gasped. "Impossible!"

"It's all wrapped up in complicated politics. Even Sirzechs was perplexed," said Serafall. "But I'll be doing my best bestest to make sure it doesn't happen, Sona-chan. It's just so scary otherwise. For you, for me, and for everyone on Hell. Well, except for those Old Satan fogeys."

"I ask again, sister," pressed Sona, her thoughts in a whirlpool. "What _is_ the matter? What happened to Rias?"

After a long, drawn-out silence, as sister stared at sister, Serafall Leviathan answered, smiling without true warmth, "Rias Gremory hasn't _changed,_ Sona-chan. She's just been made to wear a different costume. She should be glad; she's become the biggest actress in this whole farce." The smile broke. "After you read up on your histories, don't forget to laugh at the joke."

()()()

Twenty minutes later, when she picked up the phone to call Rias, she didn't laugh. She wasn't that kind of devil.

()()()

"I'm done tracing the source," said one angel, paging through the scroll with lightning speed.

"And?" asked Gabriel, its blue eyes glittering with promises of retribution. Now that it was free from further obligations, the angel thought it the ripe time to pursue the mystery of Heaven's current state, with all the Ascendants who'd been booted up here.

"There's a pretty powerful angel behind each and everyone of these Ascendants," said another angel.

"How can that be?" wondered Gabriel. "I'm sure we haven't been assigning people for mass recruitment. If the whole System hadn't been rebooted, Heaven would've collapsed from the strain of all these new arrivals." And Michael would've thrown a fit.

On second thought, Michael should definitely be worrying in his tiny little brain. It wasn't hard for the Others—the Fallen and the Devils—to figure out that Heaven bristled with activity as it had during the War, and there was no doubt in Gabriel's mind that those fellows would only connect the facts then come to the worst possible conclusion.

"We've successfully triangulated the angel's position," announced yet another angel down the line. "Identification process initiated."

Gabriel would take great pleasure in asphyxiating the offending angel blue.

"We have a problem! Angel location is littered with foreign entities!"

"Qualify that!" Gabriel said after a short, stunned pause.

"Forty-six, forty-seven, fifty stray Devils!"

"Identified a Fallen signal! There's twenty of them!"

"They sensed our observation," said an angel, who shook its head. "They're jamming our view of the field."

"Send word to Michael," said Gabriel, pointing to the duo it had made summon the other Seraph. "Don't come back otherwise." The duo flew off.

Damned if it wasn't feeling like the Great War all over again. But Gabriel had absolutely no intention of playing little general again. It quite enjoyed the state of semi-retirement over the past centuries and was determined to see it continue forever.

So that was yet another reason to strangle the ever-loving holiness out of whoever angel thought it smart to rile up all of Creation.

()()()

"Mastema," said Shemhazai with a lot of authority in his voice. He pointed to the screen. "It has to be. I can fully say with confidence that that angel was rarely seen during the Great War, which meant that the Lord God had some reason for it to stay back from the conflict."

"I do not recall a Mastema," said Baraqiel, uncertain.

"How can you be so sure?" Azazel asked, ever the skeptic. He wore a small smile. "And Baraqiel, I think we covered that fact already. Every angel and most of the Fallen's got shitty memory retention. We've yet to learn how the Devils managed to circumvent that flaw."

Baraqiel frowned. Shemhazai cleared his throat. "I _am_ sure, Azazel, because _I_ can recall much of Mastema's actions. He was most involved with the Hebrew lot; he was their 'Satan'. He bedeviled Job before ever the Devils even knew about the poor fellow. _And_ as a side-job, he raised normal humans to Heaven as newborn angels. Not a more apt ringer for that angel than him."

"And you think him capable of allowing a Devil to transcend the Schism?" asked Azazel, chuckling. "Not even the Lord had that authority, or He would have rescinded Lucifer's defiance."

Shemhazai scowled. "That, is a separate issue, as you well know." Azazel waved his hand dismissively, as if loath to discuss his last statement. The matter of the Lord was a sensitive subject for the two, and they had spent many a time arguing about the finer points of what the humans called "theology".

"So this Mastema," said Baraqiel, filling the silence, "What do you think his purpose is?"

"I'm sure we can ask him ourselves," said Azazel, shrugging. "Come in, Mastema." Shemhazai spluttered, eyes bulging in surprise; while Baraqiel turned, alert, light spears already trained on the door to the conference room, which swung open.

In came what looked to be a Devil, though his garb was angelic-looking. A black hood prevented the Fallen from discerning his face. He was shorter than the Fallen in the room, though Baraqiel, seasoned warrior, felt like he faced a formidable foe. At Shemhazai's gesture, he relaxed, dispelling the light spear.

Azazel rose from his seat, effecting a small bow to the newcomer. "Gentlemen, may I present Mastema, who has just been accused by our good friend Shemhazai here of being the entity with whom we are much interested."

"The accusation is not unfounded," the newcomer said smoothly. "I did do my part before, at the Lord God's behest, though I'm sure you did not invite me here to reminisce on anecdotes, Azazel."

"No indeed," said Azazel, his smile cold. "Nor did I indicate that our meeting should be thus delayed. Thirty minutes, eh? Did you think I invited you for a spot of tea? To fly about the world, pointing at the humans?"

"You may have one of my apologies, Azazel," said Mastema. "Along with it, accept this explanation. I was hindered by one of your former comrades' spawn. That son of Lucifer's been making moves down in Hell, and I was summoned first to confer with him."

Baraqiel's feathers twitched. Already Masterma's Devil wings were fading away, becoming the feathered black of a Fallen. Was it an illusion?

"Indeed," said Azazel, sitting back down, though they could all see his mood was anything but accommodating. "And would you deign to give the same information to us?"

"Remarkable," said Shemhazai. He raised an eyebrow at Azazel. "Is he a double agent?" Baraqiel echoed that same question in his mind.

"No, milords," said Mastema. "I am but a humble diplomat, ever neutral, and empowered to bring tidings as well as news."

"What he means to say is," said Azazel, "That he's the only one from Heaven who can freely move from there to Hell. And from there, to us. This one's an angel of many shapes, his motives unfathomable, even to me."

"You honor me with compliments," said Mastema, bowing deep. "But did milord not request intelligence?"

"No, we have all we need now," said Azazel. Both the other Fallen whirled, disbelieving. They hadn't had any intelligence at all!

Mastema paused. "Very well. Then what else do you need from me?"

"You seem pretty knowledgeable," said Azazel. He pointed at the angel on the screen. "Give us a clue about him. Actually, just tell us his name if you know it."

Mastema looked at the screen, and it seemed to them that it was carefully formulating the right answer, despite the face hidden in the shadows of the hood.

"... The truth is in the wings," said Mastema.

The other Fallen remained confused, while Azazel "ah"-ed, as if finally understanding the answer to a riddle. Azazel's bad mood vanished in the next moment, and he was suddenly full of cheer. He even made a booming laugh.

"Is that so, huh?" Azazel said, while chortling. "Now, it's gotten quite interesting. Quite interesting indeed! But have you been to Heaven, then, Mastema? Is something... _different_ up there?"

"That will probably have to wait until the next meeting," said Mastema. "I am going there next."

"Ah well," said Azazel, shaking his head ruefully. "It's not like we have anything to fear now. Well, Kokabiel _should_ be pissing his pants, if he knew." Again he chuckled.

" _What_ did you find out, Azazel?" asked Shemhazai as soon as Mastema had departed. "If that is not Mastema, then who is it? Well, go on, there's a good fellow, no sense in keeping us in suspense."

"Allow me to modify the image reception," said Azazel, pressing some buttons at the back of the screen. "The trick is to focus on that one's wings."


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 2**

"Lord Kokabiel, how long do we have to wait?"

Kokabiel smirked, hands steepled before him. "I know Michael. He is content to let an opposing force squirm, if only to demoralize them. I am quite sure Heaven shall launch their futile attack twenty minutes from now—"

Beams of light began to pound into the ranks of the Stray devils. Kokabiel stood up from the throne, and pushed the Fallen, saying, "-Right now, they're attacking right now, as I predicted! Erect the barriers! We'll see who wins this confrontation!"

A surprise attack, Kokabiel thought, sneering. Michael had become craftier still.

()()()

"This is overkill, Gabriel," Michael protested over the communication windows. "Do you know that an attack of that magnitude would have bankrupted our reserves? I'm looking at the screen right now—"

"Save it, Michael," Gabriel snarled. "If those fuckers down there don't get out of the way so we can identify this guy, then they deserve every piece of Heavenly retribution they'll get. What are you waiting for? Fire!"

"But Michael—" protested the angel in charge of the guns.

"Michael's not here. I'm the commanding Seraph right now, so do as I say. Fire!"

()()()

They were three to make the Triangle formation. Three of the most powerful sorcerous Devils roaming freely over Creation, selling their services and their secrets to the highest bidder.

Of late, they had been contracted by the Fallen for minor bodyguard work. Tonight had been surprising: legions of Devils from the four corners of the world had been summoned by the "mighty" Kokabiel for an important task. Such a collection of Devils would have raised warning signs, because none were willing to fight for the Fallen in another War, rewards be damned.

The Fallen had given them a very specific order. They were to initiate the Triangle formation over a trapping seal capable of restraining angels from the Highest orders. At first glance, the job was tricky, but the three saw it as a challenge. If they could manage it, their rep among the stray Devils would rise exponentially.

"Heaven appears to be attacking," said one. She stood calmly on her part of the triangle, some fifty miles from the others. They communicated via telepathic lines.

"What a pack of lies! For sure the Fallen are in a War against Heaven again!" spat another.

"Keep to the task," intoned the third Devil. Unlike the others who were looking at the devastation of the Devil legions by Heavenly fire, he kept his eyes on the angel that had been bound by their seal.

Unlike the other two, who were Reincarnated Devils expelled from Peerages, he had fought alongside Lucifer Morningstar himself. Ages of experience had given him enormous power, which he restrained willingly to avoid the attention of both Heaven and Hell. He'd agreed to the Triangle Formation to humor the whelplings, but in truth he could have captured the target by himself.

That was the impression, until he saw the angel. Unknown to the others, _he_ had written up the Seal, and _his_ Seal, after activating, would have encased the target in a high-level miasma, powerful enough to choke even the Seraph Michael into an insensate state.

 _So why hasn't it activated?_ he thought furiously, veins bulging on his forehead, glaring furiously at the angel. His Seal was _perfect_! Angels had fallen to it before, _Gods_ had been kidnapped in less time than it took to blink!

The angel even had the gall to move around, like it was rubbing his failure in his face!

()()()

" _What is going on over there_?" asked the dragon. Issei squinted his eyes. Giant strobelights seemed to be erupting from the skies, causing eruptions on the ground in the distance.

Issei snorted. "Probably some humans partying. They can get quite destructive once the orgies begin spiralling out of control."

" _Are you speaking from experience?_ "

Issei cocked his head. "...That's usually when I get sent down to break it up. With fire. And brimstone." He placed his hand again on the invisible barrier and smiled fondly.

()()()

His lips bared in a fanged snarl. The angel was smiling. Oh, he was sure of it now. The angel had noticed his work, and considered it quite beneath his level. The angel was mocking him!

Well, there would be none of that. He had bound six Gods in the past century alone. His clients always praised his work, the finest among all the stray Devil mercenaries.

He began to activate several protocols in the seal, spit flying from his mouth with every syllable he made. The other two were still panicking over Heaven's barrage, worried for their own little lives.

()()()

" _Figured out how to break free from the seal?_ "

"What seal?"

" _The one below. The one I_ just _pointed out to you two minutes ago!_ " Issei looked down. There was a negligently written piece of graffiti below. The script said, "Angel Stay here" in nigh illegible script.

"... What's a seal? Because I'm not seeing a seal. That's one of those floor-signs on the stage to let the players know where they'd have to stand. See? It basically says 'Angel Stay here'."

" _That floorsign is a 'Seal' designed to impede and entrap divine entities, angel! Whoever did this has got something horrible planned for ye! We've got t' run!"_

"Wouldn't that be rude to whoever made the sign?" asked Issei. "Or... no wait, I certainly didn't sign up to be an entertainer of any sort, so it's not _completely_ wrong that I don't have to follow what this says... Lord knows I'm burning up vacation time as it is..."

The dragon watched helplessly as a torrent of black, crackling energy erupted from the seal below to engulf the oblivious angel.

()()()

"Sir, Seal has been activated!"

Kokabiel stirred from directing the defense against the barrages hitting his forces. He summoned an optical spell to see into the far distance.

"Fool Devils. How dare they disregard orders!" said Kokabiel. Dispelling the optic, he commanded a group of Fallen go over to stop the zealous Devils.

()()()

"We're detecting a lot of magical activity, particularly near where the target is," said the angel in charge of identifications.

"We still can't get a clear picture—"

"Initiating thirty-third barrage—"

"Once the smoke clears, don't bother with identifying, just shoot the bastard down! At this point I don't care who it is," said Gabriel. The angel sat back, and fumed. It was on the verge of flying straight down there to see the offending angel personally.

"Gabriel," said Michael from the other screen, "Just so you know, you've just alerted about the entire world to our attacks. It's not just the humans, the Pantheons and all the other supernaturals are watching, too."

Gabriel huffed. "So?"

"So there'll be a load of paperwork—"

Gabriel's roar resounded through Heaven a second time. It left the communications area, flying straight through the Gate and then down to Creation.

()()()

There! That would show the presumptuous angel. That was the strongest attack the Seal could muster. Potent soul-corroding miasma ripped from a thousand unrepentant sinners and drenched in the darkness of the Dimensional Gap. It was arguably his best craft. It had taken him millennia to perfect.

He smirked. Perhaps he was a bit overzealous. He'd also disobeyed the client's orders; well, he could always pin it on the other two. Or he could always hide; the Fallen never had Heaven's penchant for nosy omniscience.

The smoke cleared. The angel stood, unchanged.

()()()

Issei looked every which way, like an owl curious to see what had awakened it. There had been a surge of 'energy', energy he recognized as being magical. He'd felt like he had back in Rias Gremory's clubroom, and instead of the sensation of a bucket of water falling on him it was more of a strong, hair-whipping breeze.

" _You alright angel?_ "

"Yes..." Issei frowned, looking himself over. He gave himself a quick pat-down. "That was strange..."

"Now _do you believe me when I say we should be on our way?"_

"Yes, I think you're right," he replied, staring down at the sign. In addition to "Angel Stay Here" it now also said "Die Die Die". It did not make sense to him.

()()()

"What the heck just happened?" shouted the first.

"Did our magic do that? Did _you_ do that?" said the second.

"Shut the fuck up!" he snapped, his mouth dripping with foam. His eyes now burned with infernal rage, his form becoming demonic with each passing second.

How _dare_ that angel survive! He'd dispelled and re-applied the optical spell to see over distances just to make sure he wasn't seeing things. The strongest magic he could craft and it was only like he'd sent smoke in the angel's direction!

He could not afford to fail here. He had committed to destroy the angel, and he would die before he would admit to failure. Death before dishonour!

He grunted, spitting out the activation words without delay. That was definitely a fluke. He didn't want to admit it, but perhaps his construction of the spell had been flawed. _This_ one won't be a mistake.

And just for good measure, he tore off his tongue, that it might speak another spell. A second attack, to mirror his.

()()()

"Ouch!" He felt a strong, pushing sensation, just as before, right as he was about to flex wings to fly away. Issei staggered in midair, shaken.

" _The're attacking again. That's some real strong magic. It'd make a dragon sick."_

The sensation came again. And again. A small seed of irritation began to grow in his mind. Who was doing this?

" _Warms my heart to see you're alright, angel,"_ said Ddraig, though doubt laced his words.

"What the heck is going on?" Issei wondered, as another burst of sensation slammed him in the face, making him spit and splutter.

()()()

 _Six_ activations and the blasted angel still stood. How was it possible?

"Shit! The formation's weakening! Help me!"

"I'm... trying... hey you! Stop whatever it is you're doing and reinforce the Seal!"

"I knew we should've tried the hexagrammic—"

He could hear noise inside his head. His ears rang, the insides ruptured after the third spell. Blood streamed from there and from every orifice in his body. He spat out a gob, raised his tired arms, and began yet another spell.

He screamed the words, though he couldn't hear them. Red filled his vision. Crimson light surrounded him.

He released the spell.

His head exploded.

The Triangle collapsed in a devastating meltdown.

()()()

All in Creation felt it happen. Humans who slept felt their dreams changed from good to bad, from bad to worse. Those awake were beset by sudden, inexplicable unease.

The minor spirits and creatures of the supernatural, the smaller courts and coteries of deities diminished in power and influence, decided to weave spells to hide their little fiefdoms, wary of the tides that were sure to crash through the world. Some even chose to leave this plane entirely, bewitching their homes to drift within the Dimensional Gap, clinging to this world by the flimsiest of threads.

The Greater pantheons, who rather enjoyed their time under the sun, chose to keep their eyes to the sky and their ears to the ground. They alone recognized the potential in the power unveiled here.

()()()

"That Kokabiel's pretty lucky," Azazel pronounced. "Just a little more to the west and he'd have joined all those stray devils in kaput-land spreading his bits and pieces all over the four winds."

Baraqiel glanced at his leader, who hadn't said a word for the battalion of Fallen who'd been engulfed in the blast.

Shemhazai made an impatient sound. "With all the debris and smoke, it's nigh impossible to make out his _wings_ , as you so insist, Azazel. It would be rather more expedient if you tell us who that is, instead of playing this nuisance of a game."

Azazel made a shushing gesture and pointed back to the screen. "Don't underestimate my craft." The image turned a shade of green, then red, then back to the normal color, though now the image of the angel appeared in clear focus, glowing a patient gold against a backdrop of silent gray and black.

It was hard to tell it _was_ an angel. This one's wings were wispy little things behind it, which Baraqiel had to squint to make sure it was there.

"Are you still not seeing it?" asked Azazel. The other two shook their heads. Azazel made another adjustment to the image.

"By the Lord of Creation!" cried Shemhazai, gasping. The old Fallen turned swiftly away, muttering something under his breath.

Baraqiel for his part, raised an eyebrow. Azazel's adjustment had clarified the wispy image into something definite: there was a wheel-like object almost its size, like a large halo, behind the angel.

So it was an Ophanim. The rarer order of angels, one which Baraqiel had never personally seen during the Great War. He'd only heard tales of skirmishes against them, but there was almost nothing to note about their power. There also weren't ophanim amongst the Fallen.

But why did Shemhazai seem like he'd lost his mind? Azazel was also looking at him expectantly.

"So it is an ophanim," Baraqiel remarked. "There's nothing remarkable to it."

Azazel chuckled. "So you still don't see it. No matter. Soon I'll develop another filter so anyone can see." He pushed the screen away, and it floated in the air. "What you didn't see were the extra 'wings' behind the angel." He leaned forward, smiling. "There were two more 'haloes' to either side of that one. And several more, smaller ones, arrayed on the side. Well, it's the three biggest ones that are important. These are that one's wings."

"... which no ophanim has, or rather, should have," Shemhazai said, voice low and disbelieving. "They are only ever permitted one. Messengers of the Lord's Word, and sometimes the executors of His will." Baraqiel turned to him, still confused. "But consider, Baraqiel, that this one survived a catastrophe of that level, which slew many Devils and Fallen, which gouged a large wound upon Creation!"

Azazel grimaced. "Yep. Not that there were many ophanim sent out. Because when it comes to Creation... When it comes to the _humans_ down there... There was only ever one, the de facto head of the choir of ophanim, chief executor of His Will, Scourge of Humanity—"

"The angel of death!" Baraqiel exclaimed.

()()()

Issei sneezed. The smoke was so thick he couldn't see. He sneezed again.

()()()

Azazel's cheek twitched. "Not exactly."

Shemhazai coughed. "It's the—"

()()()

"Right, that's enough," Issei said with a marked wheeze, and with a grand gesture he whooshed the smoke around him away.

After a few moments, he surveyed his surroundings. The landscape had changed significantly. It smouldered, reeking of foul, vaporized flesh. He sensed a lot of death as well, much worse than the cities he'd just been to.

But now, it wasn't his fault. Something in that gaudy display just moments ago perhaps, taking a disastrous turn. He always knew humans were a dangerous, self-destructive lot. If it was not his responsibility, then he didn't have to perform his duties. Unless commanded. But he was on vacation.

Stirring from thought, Issei left as fast as he could. If he sped up, he could make it to Japan in five minutes.

()()()

The angel didn't believe it. There was the result of the explosion: whole acres of land lashed by persistent fires, the ground cracked and splintered like an abused eggshell.

But where was the other angel? Gabriel cast its senses about, looking for any sign, even a human's. But there was nothing. Not a single thing.

Gabriel's body sagged. It felt exhausted. The anger, finding no release, fizzled out like a firecracker dud.

Then the skies above blazed with golden light. Gabriel looked up, squinting. Then its mouth sagged open.

"Oh, you have got to be shitting—"

The Heavens parted, divine fury descending in a barrage of light.

()()()

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, unedited, not proofread (Honore's busy)**

 **Shurpuff says: Comments, questions, impressions, etc. welcome!**

 **Since we've gotten to this point, let me just say that going forward the story will have a slightly different cosmology from canon. The Heavenly Orders in particular, will have a shake-up, as indicated here. While Gabriel and Michael remain Seraphs, the Seraphim themselves aren't of the highest order (though they are pretty powerful). Also, the angel's connection to their Fallen brethren and the Devils will be different, as I go for a different interpretation.**

 **With that, here's a disclaimer that this story does not intend to espouse any particular belief. The story is fiction, and any views expressed here in writing are not mine as a storyteller.**

 **I'm also still waiting for suggestions of other series, guys. Some have said _Sekirei_ , which I'm familiar with but frankly does not have a main character I can use well. Others said _Rosario_ , but a.) I didn't really follow that series before, leading to b.) it's a pain to read up on. At this point, I'm even entertaining _Saint Seiya_ , but again, no main characters that would fit well.**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Previously: Angels, Fallen, and Devils alike fear the return of War as the angel of death blunders through Creation. Old Pacts are broken, questions abound and battle lines are drawn. Can Ddraig fix things before "Chaos" descends? Or will Issei singlehandedly destroy the fragile peace?**

 **Dawn is close, but there is more trouble to come...**

* * *

The ground pulsed with a miasma more potent than nuclear fallout. The devastation carved its way through miles of rock. A thick haze settled into the ground, bathing everything in a sickly yellow glow.

Sirzechs Lucifer, latest of that illustrious name, was the first to behold it, the first to assess it, and also the first to realize the enormity of the efforts that would be needed to put everything back together.

On the other side of the field, near where one "Lord Kokabiel" had set up his command, the Fallen Azazel, Shemhazai and Baraqiel emerged from a warp prism. They saw what Sirzechs did, and came to the same conclusion. They located the Devil's location and flew towards it. The prism crumbled to purple dust behind them.

Miles farther still, the Seraph Gabriel lay in a sooty heap. That the soul erasing, evil banishing rays of holy light could only reduce the angel to such a point only seen in cartoons indicated its relative strength. Upon closer inspection, the soot was actually the miasma soaking the angel's skin. Upon an even closer inspection, the angel's finger twitched.

The other three quarters of the Four Great Satans arrived via magic circle: first Falbian, then Ajuka right as the Fallen Angels arrived. The last, Serafall, arrived just in time for the introductions.

Both sides held themselves in great tension, knowing they were there for mutual cause but also aware of the sharp divide between them.

Azazel made a point of looking around, before remarking, "Do we not have a representative from Heaven?"

"Heaven is on lockdown," said Mastema, who arrived on the scene in an unknown, its wings as golden pure as any angel. "I could not get past the Gates." The other beings regarded the new arrival coolly, all of them knowing the reputation of the Feckless One.

"Well that sucks," said Serafall. "We sure can't solve this problem without them."

"No indeed," agreed Shemhazai. "Their opinion is not insignificant."

"Speaking of which, why _didn't_ you guys stop that subordinate of yours?" asked Ajuka, his eyes glittering with a hint of an accusation. "It would've saved us all a bunch of trouble if those strays hadn't been brought here. The fallout from their mass slaying would've been mitigated if they weren't here."

"Kokabiel acted on his own," Shemhazai said stiffly. "And, may I point out, the fact that there were stray Devils ready to heed him also points to ill discipline on _your_ side. Indeed they should not have been there, as would have happened if you Devils would have been more rigorous in persecuting your wayward subjects."

"Oh, so you admit to dissension in the ranks," said Serafall, scoffing. Baraqiel hissed, his hand raising as if to strike.

"Stop, stop," said Azazel, raising his hands, trying to hold off a bristling Baraqiel with words alone. "We didn't come here to brawl like schoolyard children."

"Indeed," ventured Sirzechs. "We can sort out issues of blame later, when we've agreed on a plan of action. We all have stakes here in this affair, and as a reminder we are still operating under the concept of _truce_. For now, we must be united in ensuring stability all around." The official bearer of the Lucifer name was an able diplomat, when it was needed.

After a long silence, Shemhazai made a type of snort that made it clear what he thought of the situation.

Then, before either Sirzechs or Azazel could elaborate on the plan, Serafall went up to punch the Fallen in the face.

In the stunned silence that ensued, Shemhazai appeared completely flabbergasted, eyes wide as goggles. Then he shoved Serafall.

She punched him in the gut.

Quick as lightning, Baraqiel kneed her back.

Then Ajuka barreled into them, fists swinging.

Falbion stood back, scratching his chin.

He, Azazel and Sirzechs could only stare blankly as the combatants cried and grunted and shoved, blows raining everywhere, claws scratching and drawing blood, fingers stuck into orifices, hairs ripped, and their bodies getting more and more entangled as the brawl progressed.

"Let go, you damnable girl!" cried Shemhazai. Someone's fingers were burrowing up his nose.

"Who the heck is chewing on my leg?" Serafall shouted.

To the side, Mastema yawned audibly.

Azazel and Sirzechs shared a look. Both expressed silent apologies, exasperation, then commiseration at the mutual embarrassment to the other.

Just as they moved to intervene, prepared to chide them all for behavior unbecoming a bunch of the best Devils and Fallen in existence, Mastema made a surprised grunt when a golden blur shot him into the pile of struggling Fallen and Devils.

The momentum carried the pile towards them like a ball bowling towards hapless pins, and both Azazel and Sirzechs joined the ball of frothing murder.

Azazel vaguely recognized the new voice that came next: " **Found you, you shitty angel! Die!"**

Falbian, who'd stood a bit to the side and was spared, watched the inexplicably formed ball of shouting and cursing explode into the frenzied chaos of a full-fledged magical battle. He hung his head and sighed.

()()()

At Japan, Issei was annoyed to find living humans scurrying about his worksites. It was difficult to make conversation with prospective angel-elects while the living were present.

He looked from scene to scene, eyeing the firetrucks, police cars, ambulances and helicopters swarming through the place. Birds—the kind he figured to be rude, disgusting carrion—flew about in cackling groups.

He contemplated his options. He could scare off the humans with an appropriate Heavenly sign, but that was blatantly unauthorized. He didn't want his vacation cut short by an official summons, followed by another session of eternity with the dull Metatron.

He could conduct interviews covertly, but that involved a lot of flying around. It'd take a lot more time, and he definitely had to go home to "rest" for school.

Ah. He could always exterminate all the hum—no, he didn't have authority, again. There hadn't been any sanctioned annihilations since the Black Death.

He recalled crafting that efficient epidemic before, back when he'd forgotten his sword and couldn't just rain cleansing fire on the humans. Now, he could make a weaker version, designed with nonlethal effects—except that the Black Death had been made in a century, and he certainly couldn't wait that long.

All this he related to a small black bird who'd stood the closest to him, while it idly pecked through its wings, obviously oblivious to his words. It was pathetic, talking to one not gifted in tongues, especially an accursed avian; but Ddraig had been mysteriously absent since he'd gotten to the scene and there was no one else to talk to.

"This sucks," he said.

"Indeed," said a voice next to him.

Issei turned his head, expecting to find a human, but instead only saw the bird.

He looked at it for several, long moments. The bird didn't do anything else but twist its head and scratch its wing.

Had he been hearing things?

"Cat got your tongue?" the bird said, beak moving unmistakably in sync with the words.

He frowned suspiciously. "How are you talking? I did not give you permission to speak."

"Yep, I really don't need permission to talk, angel sir. I'm gifted naturally, I am, one of a few birdbrains with the gift of speech, and I'd rather not surrender it, if you don't mind." The black bird bowed low to the ground.

"No, please go on," said Issei, feeling magnanimous. Just a bit earlier in the night and he'd have taken his flaming sword to roast the creature, but now he wasn't feeling like it.

The bird looked up. "Seems to me, angel, that you're just swallowing more'n you need. I once knew somebirdy who never stopped finding pebbles to keepn' his gullet. One day he never woke up 'cause his guts just up an' exploded." The bird cocked its head, its wings twitching. "From what I can tell, you're just taking on more'n you can handle."

"But what can I do? Dawn's approaching, and I need to be back home," said Issei.

"If you want my advice, sir, a lot of birds get things done more'n a birdy alone. Even a group of dumb pigeons can swarm over a crowd of humans to peck at a hotdog or snag some ice cream. Heck, the lot of 'em gets more things done than a bunch of savvy hunters working alone."

"I thought you just told me not to do more than I could handle."

"I meant it in more of a time-keepin' sense. You do a lot of stuff now, then just leave it alone 'til you can get back to it later. Like when I build a nest for m'clutch mate. I can't build it all in one go, so I just gather up the materials one night, then I finish it up in the morning. It's really simple."

When Issei still looked doubtful, the bird continued, "Like, what if you get the crowd of deadfolk up, then send them all into little groups, have'm stay in their place, then you can come back later to process the lot of them. Sound simple enough?"

"Raise the whole lot?" he said, peering down at the wreckage. "I don't... I don't think that's wise."

"They're already taking the people down to the morgues. I'd say it's your best option, y'know, before you have to wing it around the city just having to look for'em."

A mass Calling was certainly feasible, and if he commanded them right, they'd stay put here, ignoring the humans, until he could come back tomorrow and begin processing them as usual.

This was a huge decision. He'd have to think really hard.

()()()

As the angel's gears began to turn creakily in its mind, the bird flew away, unnoticed, to another rooftop. Two other birds met it: one a horned owl, the other a large carrion bird.

"Did he buy it?" asked the owl.

"Perfectly," said the black bird.

"This should be interesting," said the carrion bird. "Meet up in the aftermath?"

"Or course."

The birds flew off in different directions, their combined squawks almost sounding like "Sucker!" in cackling voices.

()()()

"At least it can't get any worse," said Akeno. The other two ex-members of the Peerage had tucked into their sleeping bags, leaving the former Queen and Rias Gremory alone to talk through the dark morning.

Rias' mind still couldn't dislodge itself from the sudden angel-ing, while Akeno was doing her best to accommodate her boss and friend, tolerating her outbursts, her rants, her wild oaths.

"— _How_ on earth could it get any worse than this, Akeno?" whispered Rias, gesturing to Koneko's angel wings, which couldn't fit into the bag.

"I don't know. Maybe that Issei's going to do something that'll change up a lot more things than just our wings."

Rias rolled her eyes. "Like what?"

()()()

Issei stared at the giant Scroll before him. Unrolled to full, it was easily as wide as a jumbo jet's wingspan. It was one of the largest he had available, and was classified " _For use in Eschatos_ " for some reason. He was sure there was a bigger function to this, but he couldn't remember off-hand. It surely wasn't that important.

"I'm going to need a bigger one," Issei muttered to himself. The bigger the Scroll, the bigger the gavel needed. Fortunately, gavel was always tied to Scroll, and in the next moment, Issei held it high above his head, its mallet easily larger than a truck.

He glanced at the Scroll. "Here goes nothing," he said, and took a deep breath. He spread his wings wide, to ready himself for the massive Order he was about to enact.

He raised the gavel and stamped hard.

"So shall it be!" he said.

Blazing, golden light exploded from the Scroll.

()()()

Michael jerked upward, surprised. The lights in Heaven had not dimmed, had not faded, they were simply gone. It heard the lamentations of other angels from outside the room.

A moment later, the lights returned. More than a trifle unsettled, Michael set about to investigate using the terminal. Such things did not happen, unless the Lord was involved, and he was quite sure He was not.

()()()

"—Just so we're clear," he said, his voice amplifying so as to reach the thousands of angel-elects below. "Stay here, and stay out of trouble. If you get caught violating this, your elect privilege is henceforth suspended, and... And you go nowhere. No exceptions, no appeals. Are we clear?"

A chorus of moans answered. Issei smiled. "Good." He flew off.

Below, the mass of newly risen dead began to talk. "Wha'd he say?" said a partially liquefied fellow.

"Said to stay put while he gets some brains," replied another, practically just a torso with attached head.

"I do love me some brains," said the first one.

"Hear hear," said the some of the others who'd overheard.

One looked at a bunch of policemen, who were screaming and shooting at them. He pointed. "Ei, why don't we ask them for some brains? Maybe they don't need 'em."

"Good idea" was the general, gurgling murmur.

"Hey, you got any brains?" shouted an excitable girl, a steel railing stuck through her head. Her shout was echoed by a few, then a lot of others, who each shouted "Brains?" in varying timbres and urgency.

The mass of stinking dead, having entirely forgotten the flying one's words, began to surge forward, following a policeman here, or screaming EMT there. As one, their cries began to meld together into a guttural shout, repeated again and again: "Brains!"

()()()

" _Heya angel,"_ came the dragon's voice.

"Dragon. Where were you?"

" _Oh, just putting the final touches to the Issei body. It's finally done._ "

"Oh good," said Issei. "I'm almost home. Did you keep the wings, like I requested...?"

" _It ain't feasible angel. Sorry. And if I could manage it, it'd be totally impractical. Imagine lugging those around in school._ "

Issei sighed. "I guess it was just too much to hope for."

 _"So... anything happen while I was out? Did you finish your duties?_ "

"Nah. I'm gonna finish up tomorrow. Need to sleep first. Then school later."

" _It's good you're keeping your priorities,"_ Ddraig observed.

"Maybe I can get Rias up for one of those dates," said Issei.

They snuck in through the window, and Issei was relieved to see everything in the room was as it had been when he'd left last night. Which meant that mother or father hadn't come in to look.

"Ready when you are."

The Incarnation process was less painful than the last time. By the end of it, Issei Hyoudou was just Issei Hyoudou.

"Now to sleep," said Issei.

" _Won't say no to that. I can tell we're both dead on our feet. Seeya later._ "

The dragon's presence faded. He changed his clothes, then slid under the covers.

He closed his eyes. The long night was finally over.

()()()

"Most troubling," said Michael. The screen in front displayed the list of systems. Entries that had once been "Green" were now "Red". Inactive.

Its forehead creased. What was happening to Heaven?

()()()

 **At last, the long night ends, and Dawn is upon them. The angel's exhausted, the world pauses to take a breath, and long-laid plans begin to unravel.**

 **What awaits them all tomorrow? Will "Chaos" rule the day?**

 **AN: Drafted by Shurpuff, edited by Honore**

 **Shurpuff says: I write new chapters based on number of hits, add in the writing process itself and that's why this is a bit late.**

 **However, I've struck on a new story idea that I'll probably be working on this week, so this'll probably be the last chapter in a while. I figured this'll be a good stopping point. (I'll come back to this sooner if reception's better, but no promises)**

 **Keep watch for another story from yours truly, coming in at least a day.**

 **Thanks for reading**


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